I’m slowly learning that I don’t owe it to anyone to have it completely together all the time. I don’t owe it to my parents, my significant other, my friends, my past self, or most importantly, my current self.
I’m slowly learning that the mess is truly what we are here for, and I would do myself a great disservice by trying to avoid it. I’m slowly learning that the mess is what shows me where I need to ask for more.
Do I need to ask more of the people around me? The work that I do? Myself? I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to be a mess sometimes, because these questions are important and they never pose themselves to me when everything is going smoothly.
I am slowly learning how no one escapes this life without trials, no matter what their Instagram is saying. That’s not to say that I believe life is one extreme or the other. I have never found it to be overly perfect nor so deep in despair that it’s impossible for me to turn around.
I am slowly learning how the only constant thing about life is how it is ever-changing.
I am slowly remembering that I have already overcome hard times. Times when I thought you would never see a good day again. Times when I thought for sure this is how life would be forever. Then one day things began to change little by little. Before I knew it, everything I once knew was replaced by something totally different.
So I am slowly learning that it is okay to be a mess sometimes. I am realizing how it’s such a vital part of being human, and it’s what will launch me to better days. It’s not possible, realistic, or ideal for me to be happy and content all the time. I need the whole spectrum of colors to paint my life, not just my favorite color.
I need the messiness in order to chip away all the parts that aren’t me. That’s what this life is all about, really—finding out who I am more and more through every up and down. My gratitude would not exist without a reason for it. That reason is the messy parts of life.
I am slowly learning that I should not feel embarrassed if I am not at my best right now. Sometimes I buy into this culture that worships optimization, but I am slowly learning that there is so much value in the mess that can put me on a different path. I am slowly learning that not going straight is not the same thing as moving backwards.
I am not the only one who is a mess. I am learning that the people who I feel have their lives together and have everything figured out oftentimes feel just as lost as I do. I am slowly learning to let go of the comparisons and focus on how I can best care for myself.
I am so grateful to have been gifted this messy life. I am so grateful to have enough awareness to know when things aren’t working and when change is necessary. My pain is nothing more than an alert system, and I am slowly learning not to misread it as a badge of failure.
I am doing just fine. I am doing my best right now. I am slowly learning how to take a moment and acknowledge that. I’m learning to remind my inner child that mistakes are okay, that even adults make mistakes.
I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to be a mess sometimes, because I will find wonderful pieces of myself in the midst of the cleanup.