Bittersweet seems too simple yet too accurate a word. You decide that whatever this is that you have right now — your routine, your life, your circle of comfort — just isn’t cutting it anymore. You decide and then you choose. You decide it’s not enough and you choose to do something about it or let it suck the life out of you slowly. Because you’re you, the choice is obvious and you don’t do something about it. You do everything about it.
The worst of it lingers like a bad cold. You realize that a shiny new life also means leaving behind everything that you’ve known for so long. You experience the tearful, clinging hugs with your best friends who have helped you through so many tough times and know that this is one that they can’t be by your side for. You promise to stay in touch, but you know that life is going to start getting in the way much more often than not.
You take a look at what lies ahead with a mixture of optimism and dread. You have a chance to reinvent yourself and be who you’ve always wanted to. You can start doing the things you always said you would. You can start wearing the things you were too scared to. You can start letting people see you the way you see yourself, instead of sticking around and letting people see you the same way they’ve always seen you.
You go get on with it. It’s terrifying and lonely and exciting and more than you ever thought it would be.
You start making new plans with new people. And they introduce you to their friends and you all hang out together. You have a new place to go and new people to go there with. You find new things that you love about them and new things that you don’t. You make all of these new memories in a new place. You fall in love and get your heartbroken and have a whole new team of people to support you. You reach new ages with new problems and realize why you can’t grow with the exact same people through every phase of life. You enjoy the friends you have now, and where you are now, because you realize how important this is. How important right now is because it’s all too soon before it becomes back then.
Before you know it, you will have to do it all again. The seasons of life don’t slow down for anyone. But this time, you realize, it’s okay. You know how much you have grown during such a tough time frame, and you can see how necessary it all was. You notice the pieces of your life where new memories won’t be made. You notice which people you won’t be making new memories with. It can be sad, but you also notice how perfect it is to remember someone when they were so close to you instead of letting it fade into a sour resentment with tainted memories to appease your anger. You still think fondly of your old-old friends. You realize friends that were once new will soon be old too. You realize that where once was something scary and new, is now something that is too small and too familiar. You realize that this is a part of life.
You will fall in love again with a new piece of your life. You will get heartbroken. You will have a whole new team to support you during this.