You know those friendships and relationships that you found yourself in seemingly unexpectedly? Upon meeting them, you had no preconceived notion of what they were going to be like, who they were, or how they were going to impact your life – much less if they even could impact your life. Then one day you find them becoming your confidant. You look forward to their presence and realize that you can be yourself around them. Finding this type of love is so rare and so beautiful and we often wish it could be this easy all the time.
These are the most wholesome of connections because they stem from the here and now. We connect with these people in moments of purity as we allow ourselves to let go of what a person is “supposed” to be or “supposed” to say. Think about all of the wonderful people we might have dismissed because they did not live up to our fabricated expectations of how they should act (the word friendzone might come to mind).
Your life is not a utility belt for you to fill with people to use for your own gain.
When we unintentionally do this, we fail to really know the person in question. Instead, we become well-acquainted with a delusional extension of ourselves – oftentimes one built on insecurity. This can be why heartbreak comes as such a surprise to us. We unfairly think we know this person better than anyone else. We see the parts of them that align with what we want and disregard all of the other pieces that make them the human that they truly are. It doesn’t matter how long or how well you’ve known someone if you decide who they are rather than letting them decide that for themselves.
We do it to ourselves too, you know.
We expect ourselves to be superhuman, get discouraged when we find out that we aren’t, and again fail to connect with who we really are since we are so hung up on who we “should” be. It’s human nature and it kind of sucks. We set unrealistic deadlines for ourselves to process emotion, improve ourselves physically, get a job, get our lives together etc. It’s humorously comparable to trying to make our own waves in the ocean. We can splash all we want but it always comes down to the moon and the tides. This is why we’re not supposed to fight the current – it’s exhausting and the ocean is always going to win. Ride the waves when they come, enjoy the still waters in-between.
This much I know to be true – the sunshine state is full of rain, the best movies are the ones with crazy plot twists, and sometimes falling in love with a person has nothing whatsoever to do with romance.
Give people the chance to surprise you. Don’t sacrifice your values trying to go with the flow, but rather, let them unfold who they are before you.
Lean into the uncertainty. Embrace your own humanness.
You don’t have to throw away your expectations completely – just try to keep them tucked in your back pocket rather than blocking your line of vision.