There are a lot of articles out there already on what is “modern dating” and even more empowering listicles of why we should stay single rather than settling for less. I have to say though I grow kind of frustrated with the rhetoric surrounding some of these dating connotations because I find them unfair to both parties. I also think that there are a lot of new vocabulary words that are just synonymous with being a crappy human being like “breadcrumbing,” “ghosting,” and “zombie-ing.”
Seriously, who comes up with these? They’re just taking nouns and turning them into verbs and all of a sudden we’re supposed to be completely hopeless when it comes to love.
But, I digress.
For starters, a lot of us are saying that we wish we could bring dating back and how things were so much better/more romantic years ago before technology took over and “ruined” everything. Are you sure? Because I’ve only experienced dating in the 21st century so I can’t say that it was better when you would split a milkshake and hold hands before finally “going steady.” Other times this world of dating catastrophe gets blamed on sex and the many guidelines that come with doing it or not doing it. I don’t think it’s these trends that are causing us so much heartbreak.
I think it’s us.We’re setting these trends. </h2
If you text him and he leaves you on read, stop acting like it’s the end of the world and he’s such a jerk I can’t believe him why wouldn’t he like me etc. etc. Chalk it up to incompatibility and move on. If you are that offended that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, ask yourself if it’s really him that you want or the relationship status. If it’s a status you seek, you won’t care how you get it. If it’s a person you want, you will care if he likes you or not. If you know that he’s using you for sex, stop having sex with him. If she’s using you for your money, stop buying her things. Set standards and boundaries and stop letting people walk all over you. It’s not the dating world or the person we’re really mad at, it’s ourselves.
Dating is supposed to be fun but we make it so hard because we put all this pressure on ourselves and others to be the perfect match.
It only takes one person to be your person so stop expecting every single guy you date to be that person. Live your life and meet as many people as you can because there are a ton of people on this earth. I know it feels like there’s only your friend circle and the people on your apps but I’m pretty sure there are more out there. Don’t take it personally when someone doesn’t like you. We care so much about whether or not someone likes us that I think we fail to recognize if we even like them. There are people out there that deserve a chance but that means nothing if we don’t give ourselves a chance first.
Most importantly, stop sacrificing your values and standards because you care more about being liked than you do being respected.
This is something I know I struggle with every day but I can also recognize that it’s the root of a lot of our problems. Respect yourself and let others earn yours. If it’s given away freely, it doesn’t have much value to begin with. I really dream of a world for us where we aren’t all so jaded. There’s so much love within us and around us and we’ll be able to see it only when we stop trying to find it.