It happens to all of us; we experience pain handed to us by another and are left with flickering desires of revenge on top of the anger and sadness we already have to endure. Or, on the other hand, we feel we put in our dues time and time again yet come up empty handed.
Revenge is not what we really want, it’s only what we think we want. What we want is peace and understanding. We want acceptance of the situation and the ability to let go of the pain that stems from it. We don’t want the inflictor to suffer, we want them to deeply and fully understand what they intentionally or unintentionally put us through. We want to feel that there is some type of balance to this chaotic world and if we are good people, good will inevitably find us.
This is misleading though. Being good does not guarantee goodness, this is why acceptance and understanding are much more important to our overall well being. We need to learn to accept that bad things will happen, not because we are bad but because it just is. We need an ebb and flow.
We need to learn that people are not always good or bad, they just have good and bad qualities. Revenge is a waste of energy because it only magnifies the negativity you feel towards this person and simultaneously, yourself.
There have been times when I have experienced hurt from others and I felt I had done nothing to them to deserve this pain. They had kicked me at what I felt was my lowest low and whether or not they would have changed their actions after understanding my current state of mind is something I’ll never know. The most important thing I have taken from these times though is my actions had nothing to do with who they were and their actions had nothing to do with who I was. Once I accepted this, I was able to see the situation for what it was and the pain began to subside.
An instance occurred where I was able to see my words and hurt realized and recognized by another. I won’t lie and say this wasn’t the slightest bit satisfying, but the true satisfaction came from knowing that I was understood on one level or another. This did not come from a need for approval or justification of who I am, but rather it came from a peace and understanding of the situation and the intentions of those involved. This is a deeper level of human connection and one that far surpasses the cheap rush that we get from seeking revenge.
This is not to say that if you have good intentions the world will be handed to you. However, good energy breeds good energy and it all begins with an acceptance of the way things are. When we accept the bad we can appreciate the good. Consequently, when we can appreciate the bad, we allow ourselves to fully accept the good.