I was asked if I meet him again for the first time, how would I find him and will I do things differently? I met him at a time when everyone was off-limits and it was a kick to the curb if I’ve allowed myself to find someone else amazing. Before, I loved differently.
Today, I asked myself the same question. If I meet him again for the first time, I know things would be very different. I know I’d find him attractive, I know I’d find him amazing, smart, funny and everything else in between. I know I would look at him every once in a while and for sure, I would take my chances with him. Today, if I meet him again, I still know for sure I’ll love him.
But the real question is, would I want to meet him again for the first time and do things differently? Our story started in an unexpected twists and turns of events. And though unexpected, it was very real, simply because we began as friends. No, I wouldn’t want to meet him again for the first time. I love how our story began though it began years after we first met and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, it could’ve been easier for the both of us if we started at a time where we had no strings attached, no baggage on the side, no drama in our pants, no stories to choose to tell or to keep but we started at such a hard time of our lives and it was the best thing that’s ever happened.
When it’s your first time to fall in love, you think it’s the only way to love. You love without thinking, you give without reserving some for yourself, you love without knowing how it is to be truly loved. You love without knowing that you need to love yourself first.
With him, I learned to love myself, to give myself more so that I could give back a whole lot more. With him, I could ask because I know what I deserve. Through him, I learned that when you have enough love from within, you can give more love you can ever imagine without expecting anything in return. Now, I know that to be loved is to be free to see and appreciate all the beauty around you and having no limits. To love is to inspire and to love is to have no fears. With him, I could just dive deep not knowing what to expect at the bottom because I know he’ll be there no matter what happens.
There are things I want to say and things I want to just let you feel. I will never hurt you the way I was hurt. I will never love you the way I loved before. I will just love you the way I know how, the way you taught me and the best way I know and from there let things fall into place. I may not always show you the love you want to feel but know that I will always try to show you that I’ll be here to never stop trying. Things aren’t always going to be easy, fate will play and we’ll go crazy for sure, but I will always remember the days and nights I prayed for you and how God always finds a way to make me remember those prayers. There have been many times when I was afraid to move forward, take a leap, was doubtful and too scared to love but God never fails to show me something every time these doubts arise and tell me to go and just have faith. I am thankful for the days and nights I prayed for you because they remind me that the best things in life don’t come easy but are worth waiting for, most importantly, worth keeping.