I woke up this morning and decided I wanted to breathe again. I realized just how many sleepless nights I stayed awake blaming myself and trying to piece together just how it all went from right to wrong.
I realized I never asked for too much. You just couldn’t give me what I needed. I realized I may have been slightly out of line in some ways, but I was never mean or hurtful in expressing my needs and concerns.
I over-apologized and accommodated someone else’s needs and expectations for someone who didn’t even see my needs or concerns as something that even mattered. I had taken so much responsibility and ownership for things that weren’t even mine to own.
I realized you could have never walked through into a new life with me when you were still so mentally and emotionally vested in a relationship from your “past”. I realize just how much you had of me—all of me—when I never had all of you.
I woke up this morning realizing that I will always love you, just not in the same way. I realized I was my truest self with you. I let you see all of me—my best, my flaws, my imperfections. Parts of myself that I usually don’t let anyone else see.
I realized I had to accept you and everything that you came with, but it was you that couldn’t accept me or see me for who I truly was. If you would have ever truly understood my heart, you would have known and understood exactly where I was coming from. You would have understood how strong I really am. How hard-headed and level-headed I am to push through obstacles in order to overcome.
I woke up this morning tired of the knots in my heart and stomach every time I woke up and started to feel again. I realized that breakups happen and it truly takes work, time, effort, and understanding from both parties and choosing one another in order for it to truly succeed. I realized that my one small doubt or concern was nothing compared to the expectations and self-doubt you had instilled in us early on. I realized it is time for me to be kinder to myself. It’s time for me to be free without weights, to finally just live life and just be me. I realized how hard I’ve been on myself and just how much I’ve pushed myself even in times where I felt uncomfortable and didn’t listen to my inner instincts.
I woke up this morning and I realized I felt free.