Pulling myself out of darkness is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. This year, we have all seemed to live in some sort of Covid darkness—some more than others, and some of us facing events completely unrelated and difficult during any time.
Generally, I am a happy go lucky person. I am an empath—I see hope and brightness even in the most doubtful situations. This year, I faced so many unexpected things—changes in plans, life’s roller coaster taking me on unexpected turns. Who hasn’t this year in one way or another, right?
Darkness isn’t me, and like most people who find themselves slipping into anxiety or depression, I’ve found it’s crippling. Absolutely terrifying. I was experiencing all the emotions and placing too much blame on myself for having hit so many bumps in the road this year, things I didn’t even have full control over. I blamed myself for my emotions that were, according to my therapist, “completely normal, and real.”
Like anyone else, you want to get out of darkness so bad. You want to stop having anxiety or quickly overcome the stages of grief. What I learned from all this is that you have to feel them in order to let them go. In a way, it’s almost the scariest part of it all. Working through and overcoming the emotions was the only way to slowly find my way out of darkness and find myself again.
I had to stop trying to be tough and give myself time and space to heal. Sometimes you feel like you’re stuck in the in-between. You see the light and you have some good days, but you’re not fully there yet. Let that give you hope that better days are coming!
Day by day, you chip away that darkness to become this new, stronger version of yourself. You keep fighting to feel how you want to feel and don’t let these tough moments define you. They become a part of you, they shape you, they teach you, but you never let them keep you down.
In a way, after experiencing trauma, grief, loss, anxiety, or depression, you are almost transformed into this amazing new you. Look at the example of the stages of the caterpillar transforming into a strong, beautiful butterfly. It takes time, but then you get there, and you see just exactly how you grew, overcame, and transformed.
For anyone healing, for anyone working though or overcoming depression, grief, anxiety, loss, please know that there are better days ahead. Keep pushing forward for how you want to feel. Because as you heal, overcome, and continue to better yourself, you’ll realize brighter days are out there. You’ll look back and realize just what you’ve overcome and how you’ve overcome it. You will be so truly proud of yourself for pushing forward, not giving up, and for not losing hope. For finding yourself when you thought you had been lost.
For anyone needing light, I hope this finds you. I see you, and I promise you, things will get better. Give yourself love and time. Sometimes the universe has a way of showing you what you need to overcome and grow from in order to finally be where you truly need to be.