I am letting go of the thing that I thought was right.
For the longest time, I clung to this, thinking that I was doing the right thing. But if it was right, how come I lost myself in the process? How come I ended up getting hurt? How come I started to reject people who showed love? How come I died over and over again?
I couldn’t really say that it was love that I felt, because now that I am trying to look back, it doesn’t look like it was. Instead, I felt that it was out of obedience that I overstayed in that darkness. That I opted to constantly lose myself over the belief that I was doing the right thing. That someday, reasons for why I had to have myself get hurt by the person who was supposed to protect me will unfold. Turned out, I was waiting for nothing, and was only making myself more and more broken, not because I loved too much but because I obeyed too much.
It was that visit from my parents a few days ago that made me decide. If I were to go home and once again obey and pretend that it is the right thing to do or to be hedonistic and choose myself, happiness, and the one person I greatly and truly love.
As I sat in front of my lonely window, silently crying in an imminent heartbreak because of obedience, I decided to do otherwise. I finally decided to remove this ring—the ring that I thought symbolized the right thing. I decided to disobey tradition and family. I decided not to do the right thing. I am disobeying to fully emancipate myself from the dictates of my family and tradition. I am disobeying to permanently choose myself. I am disobeying to follow my heart and the whispers of my soul. I am disobeying to embrace happiness.
Most importantly, I am disobeying to be with the one I love most, that person who loves me more than anything or anyone in this world. That one person whom I don’t deserve but still opted to stay and love me wholly. That one person I want to spend my whole life with.