I Am Nothing But An Unexpected ‘Almost’ To You

a hand holding up a sparkler in front of grass
Kristopher Roller

There I was, drinking with my friends at our usual hangout. You were there. You just had your heart broken from a girl you have loved deeply for two years. You were unexpected.

There I was, happy with my life. Though the turn of events were fast, we started talking over beer. I never thought it would be deeper than that casual talk. You were unexpected.

There I was, clutching my beer at our usual spot. We talked til the sun came out, gave you my number and agreed to see each other again. I was happy with my life. You were unexpected.

There I was, being a friend to you. I listened to every pain you have as we started talking on the phone. Your grief was too much. Your spirit was too low. I listened empathically. You were unexpected.

There I was, gazing at the stars wondering why she could hurt such wonderful man like you. You were there, vulnerable and hurt. I knew this will be something more. Even then, you were unexpected.

There I was, reciprocating your flirty messages. I was right, it will be more than just friendship. You were there, constantly making efforts to make me feel cared for. I used to be happy with my life, until you came. You made me feel the void. You were unexpected.

There I was, starting to fall for you despite knowing that this would be nothing but heartbreak. You made me feel the gush of emotions I have long not felt. I made you feel cared for. I nursed you and your broken heart. I loved you the way you wanted to be loved. Even though, you were unexpected.

There I was, starting to expect. Morning messages became morning kisses from the night you have slept with me. You were there, enjoying all the attention I was giving you. Unwilling to commit in the disguise of not wanting to complicate things. I was happy though. This was unexpected. You were unexpected.

There I was, exerting every effort I can to please you. You have introduced me to your family, but only as a friend. A friend whom you have said is very dear to you. A friendship sealed with a promise, a promise that our friendship will last forever. You made it seem that it’s the only way you know not to lose me. Still, unwilling to commit, you were there, breaking my heart. A love unreciprocated because we were unexpected. You were unexpected.

There I was, wanting to be loved by you. Wanting to be yours. Hoping that you will be mine. But you were there, exploring your heights. Wandering to every horizon. Unsure of how you feel for me. Because I, I was unexpected.

There I was, giving my all. Loving you with all my might. And you were there, starting to let go of me. Wanting to be unattached because you were never attached to me anyway. I was unexpected the same way that you were unexpected.

Here I am now, wanting to be with you again. Longing for your hugs and morning kisses. Waiting for your sweet nothings. Needing to take care of you. But you are there, moving on. Moving forward with your life. Not even looking back.

Here I am, wanting to live in a paradigm where commitment will be easy. Living in a world where I could be a love you can’t let go. But you are there, living in a world where I do not anymore exist. Living in a world you opted to have me erased, because I am nothing but ‘almost’; to you, I was unexpected. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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