I’m Afraid To Write About You, Because You’re More Than A Friend To Me

I am afraid to write about you.

I am afraid that you will finally learn that all the songs are about you, all the letters and the poems.

I am afraid that you will finally see the secrets I keep away from you, all the twists and fabrications.

I have a one-way ticket on my hands which I can easily use whenever I please, but I know that love is a two-way street, and this feeling is not. As much as I think that it is, and as much as I want it to be, it is not. It cannot be love. I am fully aware of the thin line that separates love and infatuation. I know where I stand. My heart knows that it wants you, and it likes to pretend that it does not. For when the time comes that I fall too deep, it will be so hard to rise from the pits.

But when I look at you, I see nothing but love. Or at least, that is how it feels like.

I know that it is not love, because love is reciprocated. Love, is and always will be, between two people.

I have all the opportunities to tell you how I feel, but I choose not to. My heart feels terribly close to yours, but sometimes I wish it is not. I like to pretend that it is distant because it is much simpler this way, so much easier. At night I can hear my heart whisper, “Let’s avoid the pain”. But how do I avoid the pain when I see you every day?

I know the small details about you. I remember the little things you say. My heart swells with pride when I look at you, and I would find myself thinking “What did I do to deserve you?” My heart is filled with joy when you smile, and I would do everything to keep that smile on your face. It breaks me when I see you sad, because I would do anything to help you cover up your loneliness.

I want to hold your hand when it gets rough. I want to tell you everything is going to be okay, but I cannot let the words slip out of my mouth without admitting that I like you so, so much. I want to kiss your forehead and lock you in an embrace, because all I want to do is protect you. You have been through so much, and all I want for you is to be happy. Sometimes I wish I could say these things to you, but all I can do is let my actions speak for me.

I am afraid to write about you, because you are more than a friend to me.

I am afraid to write about you, because you have the power to crush my heart without really knowing that you can.

I am afraid to write about you, because I like you far more than I should.

I am afraid to write about you, because I do not want you to know about this.

I am afraid you write about you, because I am secretly hoping that when you read this, you would realize this is about you all along.