We’ve all been there, seeing the potential in someone but poisoning ourselves through the process. And guess what? They don’t want to change. Why, you may ask? Have you heard of the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”?
Stop! Stop it right now! You are only digging yourself a grave. The definition of insanity is doing the same things with no (changed) results. Do you want to know how to leave that toxic relationship? Two words: BE SELFISH.
How does focusing on yourself have anything to do with the relationship you have with other people? The problem is that you don’t have a relationship with yourself. Your thought process is to give to others and please them, in hopes that you will get the same in return. But what expectations do you have of yourself? You make yourself believe that it’s okay to take the bullshit from someone else. But when do you stop and ask yourself about your own bullshit? Recognizing one’s self allows you to master all things of self.
The biggest lesson I have learned so far in being selfish is being honest with myself. Within that honesty comes some pain and your pride being hurt. But once you accept that weight you’ve been carrying around, your sense of self-awareness becomes clear. It’s ironic that most times the weight you carry is what you added to your own plate. Time and time again, you continue to pile the unnecessary on because you are not being honest with yourself. Honesty is the best policy, and over here our plates are empty.
Toxic relationships aren’t always manifested physically. Just because they don’t put their hands on you or cheat on you doesn’t mean you’re not being mentally, emotionally, or even financially abused. If your relationship is not where you want it to be, ask yourself how honest you have been with yourself. Then ask your partner how honest they have been with you. Don’t let the words fool you. Actions always speak louder than words.
Self-awareness is defined as “recognizing one’s emotions and values as well as one’s strengths and weaknesses.” We try hard to remain strong and put on a front. We don’t even realize we are physically stressed (high blood pressure, constipation) and mentally (lack of love for self, low self-esteem, self-doubt) killing ourselves. And for what? To make others comfortable while in our own discomfort? Speak up! Own your power!
Remember, being selfish doesn’t mean you become some jackass who walks around thinking the world owes them everything — you can learn to strike a balance between being both selfless and selfish.
You are who you are, and that’s good enough. Now own up to it!