I guess I made my point clear… All this stuff is way too confusing, complicated and sometimes even distressing. Even though right now I am in the most serious and commited relationship ever… with my university (making my dad’s golden dream come true, woooh), I sometimes get to think again about all these things.
My theory is the following:
THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF 0.99S IN THIS WORLD, BUT JUST ONE 1.
Where did this come from? I don’t really remember — it’s probably heavily influenced by my idealistic romanticism, too many Nicholas Sparks books, watching He’s Just Not That Into You over 25 times, and so on. But the first time I shared it with someone was in 2013, and since then this idea tends to come up quite a bit in conversations about love.
I really believe we can be happy with more than one person in this world. I’ve met a lot of cool people, among them guys who I can give my word that they will make AMAZING boyfriends or are already amazing boyfriends. I bet most of you reading this have dated more than one person in your life, and maybe have had more than one serious boyfriend/girlfriend. Were you happy at that moment? Yes. Can you be happy again even after Panchito Segundo¹ de Montero broke your heart? Yes. Did you drown yourself in tears and some time later (maybe half a year, maybe a year) been as happy as “never before” with Panchito Tercero²? Yes.
So, then we wonder… why do we need that ONE? What makes that 1 so special? What difference can a 0.01 make? That 0.99 sounds good as well, and he’s right here right now. Well… the problem is that once you have your 1 there’s no way of going back to a 0.99, without missing that 0.01. And if you still haven’t meet that 1 when he/she comes in your life, your world be turned upside down. Because that 1 knows exactly what you like, understands even your smallest glances, makes you feel loved and special even when you think of yourself as special as a potato, takes the whole you as a combo (good things and bad things), shares with you a part of them and takes away a part of you, gives your smile “that something” that even your friends and family can notice and wonder if you are going crazy or if it’s normal…
Because you realize that movies don’t describe love accurately, because love is something even BIGGER than the fireworks and background songs playing. It’s the bubble that forms around you two when you talk. It’s the moments you just stare at that human being and wonder how can they be so perfect. It’s the times you forget about pride because you can afford that, but not them being angry with you. It’s all those songs that are corny as hell, but bring a smile to your face. It’s all those “I bet he/she would like this.” It’s the feeling of home in someone’s arms. It’s that time you did all those crazy things just to make them laugh. It’s every stupid picture you have together and won’t erase even though you look horrible…HORRIBLE. It’s how they turn every activity into something memorable. It’s the way you stare stupidly at them while they talk because wow… just wow. It’s the nights you talk and the nights you just think of them. It’s all those small details. It’s those secrets only they know. It’s how you unconsciously end up picturing a life with them. And mostly… it’s all that they give you and in no way you feel like you can give it back to them, even though you probably are.
And this is the nice part, of course. Don’t even think that’s what the 1 means. Because as my mother once told me “You will never find someone perfect, remember that you are not perfect either. But you need to find the one who has the defects you can actually live with and maybe even get to like.“ All of us give our best side when we begin to date someone “Oh, it’s totally cool that you prefer to play LOL than coming with me to my friend’s birthday,” or “Babe, you want to watch Titanic again? Yeah, it’s perfect… I didn’t even want to watch Fast and Furious.” But when you’re already together, those things start fading away. And that’s when the real relationship begins, and those small fights start. So, then you have two choices: you try your best handling the other’s defects and trying to make yours lighter for them and work as a team, or just go away and let that ship sink. So, that’s where the 0.01 makes a difference: YOU WILL WANT TO STICK AROUND. Even when she doesn’t wear make up anymore and wears leggings because she hasn’t shaved her legs in one week…and even when he stops faking to be a Noah Calhoun (The Notebook), or is in a bad mood because his team lost one of the hundreds of games they have… one week ago.
This is the thing about the 1. It will be everything but easy. People tend to think that if they are meant to be with someone, everything will go smoothly and that the whole thing will be perfect. No fights, no problems, no disagreements, no tears. When in reality, it will probably be even harder than with any of the 0.99s. It might even seem like destiny wants everything but for the two of you to be together. But let me quote Coldplay (“nobody said it was easy“), and reiterate something we all know: good things don’t come easy. You will get your chances to be together, but you have to grab them and make-it-work. But at the end of it, when you two are old and have the family Christmas dinner at your place, you will tell all those stories and misfortunes (how she rejected you seven times before accepting to go out on a date, how he disappeared for 2 years after your first date and came back with not even an excuse) with a big smile and knowing that all of it was worth it.
Last but not least… How do you know? This is a question I posed to three different persons: one of my roommates, one of my nicest guy-friends, and my sister who’s about to get married in summer. Three people I believe share one thing in common: they are deeply in love, and probably with the one. How do you know that person is the one? And well, the four of us think technically the same: You just know it.
You will want to give them the world, their happiness will mean everything for you. You’ll do the things you never thought you would do for someone. They will have the power to make you the happiest and the saddest person. Even if you try to hate them/forget about them, their memory and your love won’t fade away. But something else: if you have to let them go for them to be happier, you’ll do it and tell them goodbye with a smile even if it kills you; hoping that maybe someday, somehow, you will get your chance.
I want to add something my friend told me and might be one of the true-est truths ever (sorry if I changed the words a bit though): “You will have two people in your life: the love of your life, and that one with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life. If you are lucky enough, they will be the same person.”
I actually think this isn’t so much about being lucky but more about not giving up. Because even when you feel stupid, hopeless, and decide to move into the mountains and live as an hermit… if it’s the one it’s the one, and you just know it.