Those who come from families with siblings are always asking me what it’s like to grow up as an only child. They’re especially interested in how my singularity affects the holiday experience. In truth, it’s pretty great. But, there are some cons. Here’s a list to transport you into my holiday memories.
- You’re the only kid there, so OBVS all attention is on you.
- See all those presents? They’re ALL yours. No wondering if your snotty siblings got more presents than you did, because you got them ALL!
- Christmas pretty much begins whenever you want it to. There’s no need to conspire with anyone on when to wake up Mom and Dad. You can wake up whenever your tiny heart desires, march straight into the folks’ room, and demand to see Santa’s hoard. Who could say no to their only retirement plan?
- NO SHARING. Those presents are YOURS.
- When all the attention is on you, the pressure can be pretty steep. Have you ever smiled for hours straight? Add watching expectation on the faces of your parents who spent their entire Christmas bonus on plastic from China, and you have yourself a genuine anxiety problem.
- See all those presents? Your mom browsed through a Toys R’ Us catalog last minute and spent as much as she could afford. When did you ever want a “Microwavable Egg Boiler”? Never, Mom. Never.
- Remember falling asleep on Christmas Eve with your brothers and/or sisters imagining the wondrous presents you’d get from Santa Claus? I don’t. Being an only child on Christmas Eve is like being locked in solitary after drinking 10 Red Bulls. Why can’t we just open presents NOW?!
- Have you ever tried to play Monolopy by yourself? You haven’t. Because you CAN’T. Being an only child means you can only really play card games and browse the internet like some weird pygmy hacker.
So, respect your siblings this year during the Holidays. They probably made the experience more fun and meaningful. Or don’t. Either way, I’ll be sitting here in my piles of presents smiling for my mom and thinking of where I’m going to put all this junk.