Thought Catalog

Indecision Killed Our Love

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Toa Heftiba

It’s my second week at work. A new job is always exciting and you know how much I love new challenges. I am all ears to everything that is being said to me.

Today someone said to me that not making a decision is already making a decision. I am really sorry you stopped texting me because I genuinely thought there was something between us. I hoped we could work things out during our first few months away with me being back to Italy and you being on the other side of the world. I hoped we could eventually find a way.

But we did not make any decisions when we could have decided so many things. We could have been together in spite of distance. We could have been stronger than our greatest fears. Instead, we chose not to choose. We labeled our story as not worth it. We are the only ones to blame.

On our last day together we did not have much time. I just got back from a holiday in the Caribbean and you were about to go back to the UK for one week. We would have missed each other if my flight had been delayed. We would have missed each other in this life if my experience in Berlin had been delayed for a few months. And now we just miss each other. Well, I do miss you.

I miss you because we could have been much more than this. Instead, we are stuck with memories which are not enough in this scenario where I miss you and I cannot do anything about it because you didn’t make a choice about me.

I might not be worth it. I might not be enough.

You will be leaving soon and I hope your experience in Australia will be great, you deserve it. I wish you great adventures and great stories to tell once you are back. I hope I will be the one you will tell these stories to.

I only want you to be aware that a love like ours is very rare, while unfortunately losing each other as we did is very common. This is why I still hope you will make a decision someday because now I am making the decision to let you go.

I let you go where you are supposed to be but mostly where you want to be now. You deserve happiness, nothing more. And so do I. This is why I will look for it in other eyes, in other arms and in other souls coping with what has been left here, that is a nothing which once meant everything to me.

It has been very nice getting to know you. You are really one of a kind to me.

Have a good life, a full one. TC mark

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