Breakups have always brought me down. They used to make me not want to leave my room for weeks. I used to stare at the ceiling, wondering why. Why love failed. Why it failed and why it hurt so bad. So I started wondering whether love wins or not. I got totally mental about it. Then, I realized I was just asking myself the wrong question. What if it does not exist at all?
It probably just does not exist.
Because love is just the word we use for making up excuses. We say that love was not enough. All the “I love you”s but…
But fuck off.
It does not depend on love. It is up to people. People are the ones who have to show up. Not love. Love will not appear to save your relationship somehow. It is the about the people who are strong enough to stick around while some other just leave.
What if it is not about love.
I guess it is hard to blame the people. It is hard to admit we did not fight enough, to admit we just give up at some point. It is hard to admit we were not ready or that the person we have liked so much was not the one. We are just some cowards who cannot really admit it is their fault. It is never about timing or location. Nor love.
It is our fault. It is our fault for fighting the other one instead of fighting against the wrong timing, the distance, the age difference.
We are the ones to blame. We are the ones who were not ready to step up for the other person. We were not willing to make efforts to stay together. We are the ones who take a step back. We are the ones who left. We are the ones who let someone down. We are the ones who were not brave nor interested enough. We are the ones begging for love when it was not enough when we should never beg for love. It comes from the heart, not out of obligation.
Because when you find the one, you know it. You can’t stand the way they drive or the way they eat Thai food but you stay strong. You fight, yes, but then you worry about making it up. You leave, yes, but then you come back because you realize your life would not make any sense with the other people. You realize how irreplaceable some people are. Not any people. Just some very special people who were put on your way.
I am not telling you “find the one that…” because it does not work like that. You do not find people. They find you. They meet you on the day you look the worst because this is how it works. It is unexpected. You cannot expect to go out there and find them. So, do not even look for that person because it is pointless.
But… when you find them, because you will, make yourself a promise. Promise yourself you will not give up. Promise yourself you will make effort to make it work. Promise yourself you will do it because you deserve it. You deserve to have someone by your side who makes you braver, stronger and happier than ever before.
This is what I wish for you.