The Power Of Yes: Why You Should Stop Settling For The ‘Maybe’ Man

Dustin Adams
Dustin Adams

Back in high school, I used to be attracted to men who used the word “maybe” a lot. Back then, that word rendered them hard to get and indifferent, which was attractive to me at the time. “Maybe we can do something this Friday. I’ll let you know.”

The “M” word made them challenges my fragile self-esteem needed to overcome.

I had to win them over. I needed that validation.

I was a girl then, but I’m a woman now. I’m a woman who doesn’t have time for “maybe.” I need a “yes,” and I won’t settle for less.

At this point in my life, he may as well be saying, “Fuck no.”

I don’t see a maybe man as a challenge anymore. I see him as a waste of my time.

Men who often say “maybe” tend to be passive, noncommittal and elusive, not to mention confusing as hell. None of those qualities are attractive in a man. I realize that now. The maybe man tends to have lower confidence levels than the assertive yes man.

A word that used to transform boys into attractive challenges in my younger years now renders men weak, passive and unattractive in my wiser years.

While girls often put up with indirect guessing games and mixed signals, most women won’t.

Part of the reason for this newfound intolerance is the fact grown women who have their lives in order want men who are as sure about them as they are about themselves.

We also want to date men who are as sure about themselves as we are about ourselves.

A man I dated last year could never just say “yes.”

It was almost as though the word “yes” was too much of a commitment for him.

He unwittingly complicated everything by refusing to give direct, set answers.

He asked me to be his date for a work event. I said, “Yes, of course.”

About a month later, I asked him to be my date for a wedding.

He said, “Maybe, but I’m not sure because I don’t know how busy work will be at that time.”

I’m obviously not going to put this guy’s name down on my RSVP when he can’t even say “yes” to me.

So, you guessed it: I asked someone else.

His disappointment was exactly what he deserved.

About six months down the road, I met a confident man on Happn who said either “yes” or “no” to everything.

(Usually, the answer was a “yes,” but I respected the times he said “no” as well.)

I don’t think he ever once said the word “maybe” to me.

I didn’t realize exactly how attractive that quality was in a man until I dated this guy.

In fact, you might not realize how sexy a yes man is until you actually date one.

What a relief it was to finally date someone who didn’t complicate our relationship or add stress to my life with “maybe” this and “maybe” that.

Everything was just so easy with this direct man.

It felt as though everything was on the table.

He was open and honest, and I knew where I stood with him. I never felt anxious or uncertain.

Mark Manson’s viral article, “Fuck Yes Or No,” is a great read.

It sums up the concept there is not — and there never should be — any in-between or grey area.

Without question, it should be either “fuck yes” or “no.”

“Maybe” is the same as “no.”

In many ways, by saying “maybe,” one is showing weakness.

For example, by saying, “Maybe I can be your date for that wedding,” you’re protecting yourself from any future confrontation by remaining noncommittal.

Another example is when we say something along the lines of, “Would you maybe want to grab a drink next week?” instead of directly asking, “Would you like to go for a drink next Friday night?”

By using the former sentence, we’re incorporating the word “maybe” as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from possible rejection.

Since we didn’t directly ask in an assertive way, a rejection won’t be as damaging to our ego.

In short, it shows weakness of character to say “maybe” all the time, so just stop putting up with it.

I promise you that great things will happen if you stop dating maybe men. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Erica Gordon

Erica is a dating expert and hopeless romantic who always keeps it real, no matter what the outcome of that realness might be. She loves to post memes, travel pics and dating advice on her Instagram @the_babe_report and she’s the author of the modern relationship advice book “Aren’t You Glad You Read This?”

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