I’d like to introduce you to my two best friends.
We have a weird relationship, the three of us. I despise them when they’re around me. They turn my stomach into a knot, cause my breathing to quicken, and my heart to pound in my chest.
As soon as they arrive, never one without the other, I feel my sanity slowly start to slide away from me. I try desperately to clutch onto it, though I know my efforts are useless. A pit of despair forms somewhere inside me, in a deep, dark, secret place that my two best friends have sole access to.
My two best friends never cease to remind me of everything I’ve ever done wrong. “How easy it would have been to just not!” They laugh in my face, taunting me, never letting me forget that somehow, I’m just not enough, not able to do anything right.
I know they’re my best friends though, because everything I do leads to them. When they’re not around, I miss them. Life feels dull. When they’re not around, it’s like something is missing. Things go smoothly for too long and I begin to crave the presence of my two best friends. Subconsciously, I invite them back into my life, time and time again.
As soon as they come back, though, I wonder why. Why do I keep asking them to come back when all they cause me is agony and mental breakdowns? All they cause me is burning hot tears streaming down my face, screaming alone in my car until I can barely breathe under the crushing weight of my self-loathing. I’ve become an addict dependent on the drama they bring.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. I’d like to introduce you to my two best friends: Pain and Regret.