It may seem easier to stay cut off and closed up. Safe. Protected from all the potential harm of heartbreak, rejection, dismissal, and the worry of not being good enough. It’s easier not to try again.
The traumas may feel too overwhelming. How could anyone love such a broken, wasted heart? How much trauma is too much trauma?
While all of the anxious thoughts and feelings are difficult to deal with, it’s easier to keep them to yourself than to risk opening up to someone who could easily turn your world to dust by dismissal. It’s easier to blame everyone and everything else but yourself. It’s easier to keep everything locked away than to deal with your own responsibility to heal.
With trauma, there is a constant internal war waging – the decision to hold in all the pain or to expose it and potentially grow. The risk of exposure alone can feel too great. You’ve worked so hard for so long to build up all the defense mechanisms to shield you from future hurts and have probably made a silent oath to yourself to never go through that kind of pain again.
It may feel easier to live a flat line – not too happy, but also not too sad – but in that, there is no life.
For the hearts that have suffered, it can be difficult to love and be loved. But your heart is still alive, and so must you be. The heart is strong and resilient, constantly being broken and unbroken but never giving up and somehow still with an endless supply of love to offer if you are willing and brave enough to access it. In other words, no trauma is too much or causes you to become unlovable.
To all the suffering hearts – yours are the strongest of all.
You know how to pick up the pieces and how to heal. You know how to love and teach, and most of all, you have compassion. You’ve been to hell and back. Yes, it’s easier to stop trying, but what’s on the other side of that is being alive as opposed to just existing. There will be pain – sometimes from growth – but the love you can access by not shutting down will be enough to get you through this pain.
Sometimes it’s going to be really hard, and it’s going to feel useless, but as long as your patched-up heart is fighting, have the courage to fight for yourself too. Fight for your happiness, for love, for freedom and everything on the other side of fear. Your heart is enough and you are enough.
Don’t let the traumas win and hold you back from living the life you so deserve to finally call your own.