I Think It’s Time You Knew

I need to get this off my chest. It’s been on my mind, and my gut won’t stop screaming at me. I want this feeling to go away.

Or… put all my hope into the small chance that it could turn into something real.

I need you to know that I don’t think that what we had between us is over, and that I’m sorry I’ve kept that hidden away. I have every reason under the sun to not feel this way and have come up with every reason why I should never tell you the truth about how I feel. I’m sorry that it’s somehow easier for me to tell the world than it is for me to pull you aside to tell you this in person.

The truth is, I’m scared.

Nothing ever goes away until it’s taught us what we need to know. And I want this to go away… I think. This latest lesson taught me that I should take the chance and not let it passively pass me by, to be fully and unapologetically myself, and to let my heart have a win for once. It’s taught me that I am enough—for myself and for someone else. I’ve learned that despite being hurt, I still have all the love in the world to give out to someone who is deserving.

If I take my own advice and follow my heart and trust my gut, it leads me straight back to you every time. It has always felt this way, even from the beginning before I really knew you. I don’t know what this means for you or us, but I’m sorry I never had the courage to tell you this before. I don’t have any reason why the feelings are still here and seemingly getting stronger by the day or any explanation that makes sense, just feelings that won’t go away and truly defy all logic.

I don’t need you to feel the same way, I don’t need you to respond, I just need you to know the truth and to hear it from me. I’m sorry that I didn’t give us—or you—a fair chance. I was too scared of possibility having my heart shattered into a million pieces again. I know it’s too late, but it’s finally time for me to accept and tell the truth, and time for me to stop being so afraid of falling and failing.