1. Bury It In The Woods
Clean it with hydrogen peroxide (dissolves organic matter) and bleach. Dry it with cloth and wrap in cellophane.
Drive out of the city to get away from cameras.
Go into a wooded area — don’t go too far in, you’ll get lost.
Take it out of cellophane and bury it. You could also just drop it in a river. Bury or dispose of the cellophane and cloth elsewhere.
Obviously, you are doing all of this with gloves, and you are looking for areas near water.
2. Just dump it anywhere
Just drive down the block and drop it off. I was a public defender for 5 years, you’d be surprised how little police actually look for evidence. This isn’t TV.
3. Gun? Knife? Other?
Dismantle it and dispose of the parts as far apart as possible. Bury the receiver somewhere and the barrel far as fuck away. You can even chuck it into a hollow tree or next to a big fucking rock MAKE IT HIDDEN!
The pins and springs can be chucked in different garbage cans or buried elsewhere.
Wipe that shit down hard as fuck. Don’t just leave the rag in the garbage take it and give it to a hobo. No hobos in site? Tie it round a rock and chuck it into the river…. NO river? Bury that mofo.
As for the knife, same as above, except for the trying to give to hobo… River, ground, commercial dumpster, commercial heating duct.
Big object like a baseball bat or a shovel?
Make a fire melt/burn the components that you can (quick bonfire takes care of this especially for a bat).
Shovel has a metal part…..treat it like a knife
This shit ain’t hard.
4. Sleeping With The Fishes
I live close to the ocean and I have a boat. So I’ll bring my boat to beach and then go far from the shore and dispose of it in the ocean.
5. Camouflage It
Buy more weapons so they can’t find the real one.
6. Icy Death
Kill them with an icicle and then let it melt.
7. Melt it
It depends on what it is but I have access to a smelting pot so just about anything can go poof real quick.
Leave it on a bus in Detroit.
9. Overcomplicate it and get caught
I’m going to assume it’s a gun.
In 6 minutes I’ll get out of class and at a normal walking pace, I will reach my dorm in 7 minutes. Then I’ll wipe the gun down, dismantle it, wipe it down again and then put it back together. Hopefully, I can do this in 35 minutes. Then I will walk to a different dorm building on the other side of campus which will take 6 minutes, then I will go outside one of the back doors and stash the gun under a bush, then I will go inside and pull the fire alarm and exit the building with the rest of the residents, after which I will walk back to my room and lay awake in bed paranoid for the next 24 hours until I am caught because my plan is stupid and I’ve never done anything like this before.
10. Dump It In The Sewer
Hope in the car, drive for 58 minutes in one direction. Open storm drain manhole, throw the weapon in. It will be found, but in all likelihood, it will be found in 10-20 years.
11. Almost Everything Gets Thrown In The Ocean
Gun: Take apart and crush with a rock. Proceed to go to a lake or ocean and throw them in, no pieces left behind.
Knife: Clean off your fingerprints, then just throw it into an ocean or lake so it deteriorates/makes it harder to figure out it was you, or that the knife was used in the murder overall.
Drill: First off; why the fuck did you murder someone with a drill? Second, take the drill bit and clean it off. Proceed to throw in a lake or ocean. With the drill, you can either keep it (they can’t track you down, you just have a drill? What can they frame you of, hanging a picture?) If you’re superstitious, go ahead and smash it, then- you guessed it, throw it into an ocean or lake.
Anything else: Just throw it into the fucking ocean with the rest.
12. I don’t even understand this
My weapon of choice is a syringe filled with venomous poisons. I tie it to a balloon, which is inside another balloon. This way when one balloon pops the other keeps going.
But what about the assortment of poisons in your storage you might ask?! Those are inside the third balloon which at first sight appears to be a water balloon. This balloon will fall on the head of my victim. The police will have to search for the weapon which already popped two balloons and a hundred miles away.
13. Dump it in an open grave
Drive to a cemetery and dispose of in an open grave.
Or use a crematorium.
14. the weapon that hides itself
Let me check my toxicology script…yep. My murder weapon (a high dose of an over-the-counter drug) is already metabolized. It being liver toxic, nobody knows that anything is wrong until Sunday. Death will occur between Monday and Wednesday. More than enough time for even the degradation products to be flushed out.
Not bad for an over-the-counter drug.
15. macabre but clever
I would make the murder weapon a frozen piece of ham, then, when the police come to investigate, I fix them the ham to eat.
16. how to destroy a gun
For a gun, disassemble it as far as possible. Randomly scatter the parts. The barrel is the key though! Ballistics. Run a stiff wire brush in the barrel with a power drill to destroy the rifling. Hammer flat, toss in the river.
17. Mail it to the Sudan
Mail the gun in a box with a shipping address of a random street in Sudan, no return address.
18. Let The Water Hide It
I’d dump it in the strid in Yorkshire, it’s part of a river that’s insanely deep with a strong downward current and every person to step in has never been seen again, dead or alive.
19. Stage the scene
Leave it with the murder victim and make it look like a suicide.
20. This is actually simple and brilliant
Put it in a plastic container, fill rest of container with quickcrete, drive 20 minutes to Lake Michigan. Take a boat out a few miles and sink it.
21. Recycle it
Disassemble it and put the pieces where they look like they belong (pipe/barrel screws onto the house plumbing, nail/firing pin gets hammered into the wall and a picture is hung on it, spring goes on a retro toy, etc).
22. scatter the remains
Full strip down to component parts.
Drive up the highway, tossing a part out every few km.
23. Torch it
Acetylene torch. Melt that shit down into a puddle of slag. Weapon? What weapon?
24. Use It For Crafting
Take it apart and put each piece in a different dumpster around the city. If it’s a single piece, I’d clean the hell out of it and grind it up if it was wood, or use it as a home DIY project if it’s metal.
25. A Guide For Each Weapon Type
Depends on the weapon…
If it’s a pistol, I pull the firing pin and extractor claw, lose those down a storm drain. Run a drill bit down the barrel to create odd marks on the rifling, dunk the whole thing in hydrogen peroxide. That shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes. Creating new, distinctive rifling marks and losing the extractor/firing pin should make matching bullets to the original crime very difficult…
Take the bag of disassembled parts on a walk around the neighborhood with the dog, and pitch different parts into different ponds/creeks/rivers. Similar to a revolver, but there’s no extractor claw to lose. Be careful of cameras.
Knives would be a bit trickier since it’s harder to take apart and it tends to get blood into little cracks and crevices. Pull the handle scales off, if you can, dunk the whole thing in bleach, then hydrogen peroxide. I have both around the house for other reasons, so not a huge thing. Take my phone with me, go on a walk to a big nature area with obvious rivers, lakes, etc… and ditch the knife in a storm drain on the way there. Pick a spot with no traffic/security cameras. Spend the rest of my time skipping rocks across the pond at the park.
If it’s a club like a bat or piece of wood… probably burn it.
26. Frighteningly Thorough
Depends on the weapon. All weapons are going to follow the same basic steps, though:
- Clean the weapon. You want to remove any organic material from the victim and yourself, fingerprints, and any other identifiable evidence on the weapon (such as plaster or other debris from the crime scene, glitter from the victim, etc.)
- Camouflage the weapon. You want someone to look at the weapon and not think twice about it. The goal is not (usually) total destruction of the weapon; it is making it so it will never occur to someone that they are looking at something that killed someone.
- If possible, disfigure the weapon to avoid identifying marks.
- If disfiguring the weapon or otherwise altering it, avoid the use of uncommon tools or tools that would create identifiable marks.
- Get the weapon away from you and into the hands of people that won’t be investigated for your crimes (unless trying to frame someone).
- If traveling with a weapon, you need to pay for gas with cash, avoid cameras and eyewitnesses at the disposal location, and choose someplace that isn’t too risky to drive to with contraband in the vehicle.
- Clean your clothing, too!
Knife (cooking) – Clean thoroughly with dish soap (breaks down fats and proteins), then disinfect with bleach. This should take no more than 5 minutes. Prepare a meal with the knife. (I recommend ceviche, as the acid content will denature any proteins remaining on the knife and the protein from the seafood will mask anything that did remain after cleaning and use.) Repeat cleaning process. Don’t put in the garbage; just put with other cooking knives away from the scene of the crime. I’d normally say a Goodwill several hours away (along with several other items so it isn’t suspicious that you are donating just a knife), but given that we are already pushing the time limit, I’d say to abandon it at a moderately decent restaurant nearby. If you can’t get access to their kitchen, then their dumpster will do just fine – no one would think twice about a piece of cooking equipment in the garbage at a restaurant. If you must discard the knife this way, damage the blade first by hitting it against a butter knife or other slender piece of metal along the entire edge; this gives a reason for the knife to be in the garbage.
Knife (hunting) – Clean as with cooking knife. Soak the blade in strong acid for at least 15 minutes to induce pitting and strip away any protective teflon (battery acid would work, as would many cleaning chemicals. If you need battery acid quickly, high temperatures will do the trick, but be careful to avoid damage to yourself and your surroundings – battery acid will leave tell-tale marks that you don’t want to have to explain later.). Repeatedly stab a piece of venison, rabbit, or another game animal, if possible. In the likely case that none is available, use fish or beef, with the fish being preferable. Wrap in a wet rag that you have handled with clean, non-fabric gloves. The wet rag will help rust to form, further enforcing the idea that this is some old, lost hunting knife and also damaging any remaining evidence. Abandon in the woods, near a stream or river, or any other place hunters are likely.
Knife (decoration, combat, etc.) – Clean as with other knives. These are harder to camouflage. If you have a hobby store that sells decorative knives, you’ll want to discard in their dumpster, in a garbage bag with random, non-identifiable debris that would be plausible from such a shop.
Swords and other medieval weaponry – Why was this your choice of weapon? Fine. Handle this the same way as decorative and combat knives. If it is too large to fit in a garbage bag, donate (after cleaning) to a LARP group or SCA. No idea how you’ll manage this in 60 minutes, but you were the one who decided to go 15th century on your victim. I guess you could always bury it someplace safe or sink it to the bottom of the river? Sorry, but you’re probably going to jail for this one.
Guns – Unless you know people who would accept a free gun with no questions asked, you won’t be able to camouflage this one. First, clean the weapon. Any part that might have fingerprints or other organic matter should be cleaned. Given that you’ve cleaned multiple kinds of knives and even a freakin’ sword so far, you’re probably an old hat at this by now. If not, just refer back to the cleaning guide for cooking knives. Next, break down the weapon. IngloriousFiction’s marvelous answer talks a bit about the break down and disposal. Here’s a guide for breaking down Glocks, but similar guides are available for other guns. After the weapon is broken down, file off or melt the serial number, if you have the equipment. If so, discard any metal residue or filings along with with the barrel. Beat the barrel until it is properly deformed. Burn any wooden components (in a burn pile, not on your kitchen stove or something). Dispose of the parts as per IngloriousFiction’s advice
Shovel or other gardening tool – Clean the tool as best as you are able. Burn the handle if wood. If plastic, first, kick yourself for choosing an environmentally unfriendly murder weapon, then discard in the garbage of someone several neighborhoods away (again, making sure you aren’t noticed). If there is a local gardening club or other unsecured, unmonitored place without cameras, bring a screwdriver and exchange your shovel head for one of theirs. If that is not an option, go to a home improvement store and get a new handle there. Paint the shovel head so that it is evenly covered with the paint. Keep around the house, or donate to Goodwill when you have time.
Poison – No camouflage here! Just dump it down a storm drain a few blocks away, and dispose of the container in a public dumpster. McDonald’s or some other fast food joint is a good idea here, as they are unlikely to lock down their trash.
Metal baseball bat, tire iron, crowbar, etc. – Hopefully you still have bleach left after cleaning all these murder weapons and dumping your poisons. Clean with soap and bleach, and then assess. If your weapon has: pitting, dents, or some other way the CSI guys could connect this with the murder, then you need to gather up as much similar metal as possible, as quickly as possible, and hurry down to the local junkyard. Sell off your scrap metal for high dollar – you already made one killing, what’s another? If they won’t take it, just toss it in with a random pile on the way out of the yard. If your weapon looks fine, then you can just paint and donate to Goodwill at your leisure (didn’t know Goodwill had so many second-hand curious with a history of murder, did ya?).
Wooden baseball bat, hockey stick, rope, club, etc. – Why are you reading this? If you haven’t used your nice wooden murder weapon for kindling yet, you’re probably too stupid to avoid jail time. Really, I can’t hold your hand for everything.