25. An Awkward Legacy At Best
Guy I played Rugby with in College accidentally killed him self David Carradine style. I was a few years removed from college and I moved back home so I was unable to attend the funeral, but I always wanted to know how awkward that whole thing would have been. We all worry about our internet history after we die, but to actually be at a funeral for a dude who died cranking one out with a belt around his neck pretty much cements your legacy.
26. “Never Could Get Him To Leave That Thing Alone”
Dear friend was an only child to older, Catholic parents who doted on him as a miracle birth. We worked in a restaurant together and he was known to be a bi-sexual, adventurous love machine.
He went of to college and was found hanging in his closet naked about 30 minutes after a seemingly normal conversation with his mother.
They were devastated at his apparent suicide. Their priest was immediately by their side trying to comfort them, but they could not make peace with their only son going straight to hell with no warning.
So, I was elected to tell them the truth.
He was jacking off with a noose for a greater thrill and it went all wrong.
Of course I worded it more carefully. The priest was there, his mother had been weeping for three days. I told her it was an accident, a thing the kids were trying as a sexual experiment, that’s why he was naked…
As she listened her eyes got bigger and bigger and suddenly she burst out laughing. “I never could get him to leave his thing alone!” she exclaimed.
And then she turned to the priest who shrugged his shoulders and offered her “Purgatory?”. And both his parents sighed a deep sigh of relief. That was when I found out you could pray a soul out of Purgatory.
Even his parents could not keep a straight face at the funeral. I think it was the relief of the truth.
27. Almost Made It
A distant relative was hit by a train when he thought he could jump across the tracks just before the train passed.
He made it. But then he tripped backwards…
28. Beating Cancer
My mother died in a car accident while going through chemo for stage 3 Lymphoma. We dealt with it with our dark sense of humor by saying, Mom found a way to beat cancer.