21 Security Guards Share The Craziest, Most Hilarious Things They’ve Seen On The Job

via Flickr - Elvert Barnes
via Flickr – Elvert Barnes

1. The Dogs Are Out

While a shoplifter was running from us and heading into a wooded area, my supervisor started barking like a dog. We couldn’t see the woman and couldn’t hear her running anymore, but we saw her tracks in the snow. My supervisor keeps barking and yells that he is going to send the dog in after her. She screams that she is giving up and to not send the dog in. We get her cuffed and the whole way walking back to our office she is freaking out about how she is afraid of dogs and to keep it away from her… She never caught on that there was no dog.

2. Sauce Burglar

I work food service in an amusement park. One day, a guy snuck in the back of the store, and stole a box of BBQ sauce packets, thinking it was a box of wine, which was kind of strange, considering both that we didn’t sell wine, and that it clearly said BBQ sauce on just about every surface. When a security guard (who I happened to be friends with) caught up with him, not only did he deny he did anything (while still holding the box…), but he pissed and shit himself. The good news was, we got our sauce back, and he got a yearlong ban from the park, and public intoxication charges!

3. False Alarm

I work for a farm and I do night shifts watching over everything. (We get lots and lots of predators.)

So anyways, one night the dog we have protecting everything goes ballistic and takes off into the back fields. I called the spare farm hand and let him know shit was going down and I took off after him. So here I am running around at 2:00am in a field toting a shotgun looking for this damn dog and I hear him making vicious fighting noises and I’m playing over scenarios in my head. Finally farm hand gets out here on the atv and we spot him tearing up a tree branch that fell out of a tree.


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