What would you do if you’d just discovered your husband trolled and abused people online, including kids, when you’d just found out you were pregnant? Found in Reddit Relationships.
He left the browser open on our laptop after he went to work this morning. I go to work after, so I usually hop on and do my own things on my real account.
Today, however, I was disgusted at what I found. My husband is a troll. A really fucking nasty troll. He leaves horribly mean comments to all kinds of people. They’re filled with racist slurs, awful insults, he tears into fat people, ugly people, etc. He loves to troll places where people try to better themselves to discourage people, etc. He’s sent PMs to people to call them names, calls women who post sexy pics of themselves sluts and whores and cunts, etc.
I was horrified. Completely horrified. My husband is a nice, gentle man who is supportive and kind. In our 9-year relationship, we’ve fought three times total. I never thought this is a behavior he would take part in.
But this is something else. It made me wonder what else he did on the internet, so I looked at the browser history to find him also harassing teenagers on Tumblr. Telling them to kill themselves, calling cute girls ugly and fat and stupid, etc. It horrified me to think this was the man who could be raising our daughter with me in a few months.
I understand trolling can be fun, we’ve all laughed at Ken M once or twice. But this goes far beyond what I ever imagined. I don’t know how to look at him. I’ve lost respect for the man I looked up to and admired.
Good men don’t tear each other down. People people don’t do that in general.
I don’t know what to do. I want to bring it up to him, but I don’t know how to do it without him automatically getting defensive and spouting off the same lines you hear from people (get a thicker skin, the world isn’t kisses and rainbows, etc, of course it isn’t but why contribute to it?).
A short time later, she posted this.
I confronted him about the issue very tamely, over breakfast. I asked him, flat out, if he was harassing and bullying people online. He said yes, and immediately withdrew. After telling him that I needed to know why — really why, not just “I don’t know,” he said he needed time to think about it.
When he finally gave me his answer, I was disappointed. He said he trolled/bullied people because it was an outlet for him to relieve stress. He said he didn’t view the people as real, or what he was doing as anything other than a joke, and if it hurt feelings, “those people have bigger problems and it’s not my fault.”
I told him that it wasn’t an acceptable behavior of an adult, and that he needed to stop it and find another way to express his frustrations that didn’t involve hurting strangers. He said he would think about it.
Unfortunately, he’s still doing it. I saw it happening a few mornings back, and after he left, looked again to see more comments and posts. I was disappointed. This was not the man I married. Or so I thought. But I guess it is.
I told him that we need to either go to counseling for this, or start the separation process. I told him that I couldn’t trust him to help raise a child if he speaks to strangers, children included, the way he does online. I let him know that I thought it was cowardly, pathetic, and that I have lost a lot of respect for him. I knew this would be abrasive and hurtful and I don’t like that I had to tell him that, but I cannot look at him the same way. We haven’t had sex, have barely touched.
I cannot see my husband as a loving, gentle man. I’m not afraid of him, but I am disgusted with his behavior. This is the sort of thing children do. I made an appointment for counseling for myself over this.
Unfortunately, he told me that he wouldn’t be going to counseling, because there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing, and he deserved to have his “me time” and release his emotions.
And because I want to protect my child, myself, I have asked him to leave the house. He’s staying with some friends, but I don’t think this will lead to a reconciliation.
I’d hoped this story would have gone another way.
And, sadly, here was her last post on the situation.
I am hoping that we can come to a resolution by the time our child comes. There is enough time that he could come around, somehow. But I don’t believe he will.