It feels like ages since I wrote to you. I have been struggling to find the perfect words to tell you how I have been feeling.
You crushed me. Crushed me so much, I don’t even know how it all happened. Don’t even know which part goes where when I was trying to rebuild myself.
You hurt me. You hurt me like all there is to stopping the pain you gave me was to hurt myself on the outside so that would be the pain I’d feel more than the one you’ve caused. I hate you. I hate you for putting me in this position where I had to teach myself all the things I have done and believed in before all because I changed when I decided to do this with you.
But through it all, I have felt a lot more than those things you’ve made me feel. Greater things. I have felt unexplainable pain in my cheeks because I’ve been smiling so much since we got together. I learned how to wake up in high spirits because I slept with a crazy smile on my face. I experienced the cliché butterflies in my stomach every time you made me feel I was so loved and taken care of.
Without you, I wouldn’t have known what it feels like to have someone with the fear of losing me. You gave me the best chase of a new found love. I repeat, the best. I have felt what it was like to cry of so much happiness simply because you are with me. I have never prayed so hard for someone to stay in my life the way I did with you.
There are a lot of times I’d have to ask myself to stop thinking about you because frankly, you’ve swept me off my feet pretty well. I thought it was weird, but when we fall apart every now and then, I feel so incomplete to the point where my heart seems hollow.
I have never fallen so deep in love that I can’t measure how much I love thee. I have never fought this much to keep a relationship alive. The list goes on, but like what I said, I can’t think of the right words to tell you all of it. But I can tell you this.
To you, the one who broke my heart, Do not fret. I just want to tell you that even though we have been through a lot of massive ups and downs, you should know that you’re the one who makes me feel this whole. Thank you for coming into my life. You are truly my best gift from 2013.