The 10 Phases Of Trying To Eat Healthy

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Brianna Wiest

You just went out to eat with your friends. After appetizers, an entree and dessert, you’re in misery — utter pain. You go home and eat Tums like they’re candy, but your efforts are all in vain.

1: Remorse

As you lie on the couch, you begin to reflect on your constant, binge-eating lifestyle. Why do you do this to yourself? Eating this way can’t go on any longer. Starting tomorrow, you’re seriously going to start eating healthy.

2: Transformation of self

You wake up the next morning and cook yourself a guilt-free, healthy breakfast. “Hey, this isn’t so bad,” you think as you happily chew your whole wheat toast and egg whites. As the day goes on, you continue to succeed as your new, healthy-eating self.

3: Overconfidence

After one day of healthy eating, you feel like a new person. Energized and full of fruit, vegetables and lean protein, you begin to become overly confident in yourself. “This healthy eating thing is cake,” you think to yourself. You don’t even miss the deep fried, processed stuff that is junk food. This could be the start of a lifestyle change — maybe you’ll even start eating Paleo or gluten-free.

4: Craving

Okay, today marks day three without junk food. This is starting to get hard. You could really use a doughnut right now. This whole “fruit instead of processed sugar” thing isn’t cutting it.

5: Determination

It’s only been a few days–come on, you’re not that weak! With the fervor of a Jehovah’s Witness at your doorstep, you begin seeking out healthy dessert recipes.

Alas, you find one on Pinterest. Commence mission “Guilt-free brownies.”

See? Healthy eating doesn’t have to mean deprivation. There are plenty of dessert alternatives out there. These are great. You’re fine. You don’t need that donut after all.

6: Dissatisfaction

An hour later, you begin to realize how badly your healthy brownies sucked. In fact, they were the worst “brownies” you’ve ever tasted. Dates instead of sugar? Why did you even think that would be possible?

7: Weakness

You’re sitting at home on the couch, trying to fight the urge to dip marshmallows in Nutella when your mom walks through the door with two gallons of ice cream.

No. You don’t need that ice cream. You don’t want that ice cream. You will not eat that ice cream. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, right?

Okay, just a small bowl. You’ll actually measure out a serving for once in your life and it won’t be that bad.

8: Relapse

Oh my God this is the best ice cream you’ve ever had! Who cares about servings? Why did you ever decide to give up junk food? This is the only life you get!

9: Remorse once again

You find yourself back at phase one as you lie on the couch in pain once again. After three large bowls, you hate yourself. Literally hate. You worked so hard for three days and gave it all up for stupid ice cream. Why?!

10: Justification

After an hour or so passes, you think to yourself, “Oh well.”

That ice cream was really great, and you worked so hard all week, so you definitely deserved it. It was basically worth it. 

Depriving yourself of junk food for the rest of your life just isn’t realistic anyway. TC mark

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