I am not one to doubt God or his power, but sometimes I worry that He isn’t listening. I know that in the grand scheme of things my desires and fears don’t matter much, but I still would like answers or at least to be pointed in the right direction. Things that I have prayed about for years still have not happened and I am left in the dark as to if they ever will. It doesn’t make me angry, it just makes me scared. I know God’s timing is perfect but what if for me it isn’t about timing, what if things are just going to stay the way they are now forever.
Questioning whether God is listening to my prayers makes me feel guilty. I have a good life. I have a family and friends who love me, a job, a roof over my head – I am not suffering. God has blessed me and has provided for me in so many ways. But at the end of the day, it’s the big questions that I want answers to: Will I ever get married? Am I meant to do something bigger with my life? Will I ever have the career I dream of? These are the types of things that I have prayed for for years and these questions are still all up in the air. I’m twenty-seven and I am not in a relationship so there is no husband on the horizon. I live my life day to day and feel like there is no chance of me doing something bigger or greater. I work at a job that provides for me but is the furthest thing from my dream job. But I guess I just feel like since things have been this way for so long that they are never going to change.
It’s so easy to become discouraged, especially when you see people around you getting what you want and you just feel stuck. So on the days that I doubt that God is listening or that he has a plan for me I try to remind myself of a few things. First, I remind myself that the story that God is writing for me is far better than the one that I could write for myself. With God, the possibilities are endless and He could have things in store for me that I could never imagine. I remind myself that if something has been placed on my heart it has been done so for a reason; my prayers are not pointless. And I remind myself that God has placed me on this earth for a reason and if I am still here that means He is not finished with me yet.
So I will keep on praying, trusting that even on the days when it may not feel like it, God really is listening.