I could sit here and rattle off a long list of things I don’t like about you. I could pick on facets of your personality that make you, as my mother would say, ‘a nasty piece of work’. I could take my time mulling over your appearance and handpicking things I don’t like. Or even better handpicking things you don’t like. The things that I know make you squirm. The ones that you focus on 2 seconds longer when looking in the mirror. I could spend a moment using every curse word under the sun to describe my distaste for you. But I won’t.
And that’s because I’m not like you. And I don’t want you to be like you either.
I don’t know who was mean to you before. Who placed that seed of hatred in your heart and let it fester and grow inside you? Stretching its limbs into your beautiful mind and tearing at any of the kindness it contained. But I do know that I will not let you spread that disease.
So instead I’m going to give you some advice. It’s simple and you’ve probably heard it before. Sometimes it is easy to take some wrong turns though and find yourself lost. So I thought I’d give you some direction – a reminder of all the things you used to know.
The easiest way, I think, to figure out whether you like the person you’ve become is to ask yourself a question. If you had a child, exactly like you in every way, would you be proud?
Would you boast to the other mothers on the playground about how she called that other girl a cunt? And pat her on the back in support of her cruel words? Clap in admiration as she picked on the other kids? The answer, I’m guessing, is probably not. And if that’s the case it stands to reason that you’re probably not proud of yourself either. You’re probably not the person that you’d hoped you’d be.
I hope that that if this is the case you have the sense to do something about it, to change and to grow. I can only suggest that you spend some time on yourself. Some time figuring out what sparks a fire in your heart and will keep the cold harsh words at bay. Some time discovering the dreams you wish were not just dreams but a happy reality. Some time working out where it is you want to go in this little life you’ve been given and put all your energy into getting there. Because when you focus on you, you find that you don’t have time to think about others or pull them down. You’re too filled with happiness and ambition to be held back by envy or contempt.
I hope that one day you are successful and kind. That you get to where you want to be and that you don’t hurt others in the process. I hope that you do not allow yourself to be a bitter failure that seeks solace in the spiteful things she speaks about others.
I know you can do better.