You: wanna get dinner tonight?
Friend: yes!! that sounds perfect.
You: yayyyy! OMG I’m so excited. at first, I wasn’t excited for tonight but now I am.
Friend: samesies! what time?
You: not too early because that’s lame, but not too late because I’ll get terrible indigestion.
Friend: so like 8?
You: what are you gonna wear tonight?
Friend: ugh, I don’t know! I’ve been mentally going through my closet all day.
Friend: where were you thinking, anyway? maybe that’ll help us decide outfits?
You: I can literally do whatever. I do not care.
Friend: me too. let’s each think on it.
Friend: sooooo hungry!
You: OMG SAME. I’m dying. I mean we can go earlier…
Friend: I’ll just come over by 7:30. also, still no idea what I’m wearing. I literally want to burn my entire closet. I am so over summer.
You: I can’t. I know.
Friend: wait. you never told me what happened with that dude you met on Hinge?!!!??
You: OMG. it’s such a long story. I’ll save it for dinner.
You: k, I’m gonna get in the shower!
Friend: ok! same
You: ok! shower twins! hahaha
Friend: hahaha. ok bye see you soon!
You: I HAVE NO CLOTHES
Friend: OMG SAME. I’m just gonna go with this ::sends outfit picture::
You: FUCK YOU. THAT’S ADORABLE. Uggggggghhhhh!
Friend: whatever! just wear those shorts with the embellishing. they’re so cute.
You: THEY’RE AT THE CLEANERS. MY LIFE IS FALLING APART.
Friend: hahahahaha. k, I’m leaving my place soon!
You: ok! door’s unlocked.
Friend: ok! see ya soon!
Friend: OMG just saw a stray dog in your neighborhood. it looked so sad, so I parked to try and get it to come to me and it ran off
Friend: I know! ok, parking!
And then the actual date takes place. And you ask a random stranger or, better yet, your waiter to take a picture of the two of you so you can share with the social media world how adorably adorable you guys are on your friend date tonight. Your outfits are both killer, and you each get a glass of red to start your evening because you’re ladies. You cover every single detail in your life at present: boys, men, friends, ex-friends, bosses, co-workers, your dogs, your families, how good or bad you slept all week, the pimple in the middle of your back that you cannot reach and it’s killing you. You laugh, you gasp, you don’t cry, but you say that you feel like you might. You share plates or have your own but try the other’s.
For the last half hour, you both debate whether or not you should venture out on the town. You each know of one small something going on, so you weigh your options. Is it really worth it? Who all is going to be there? Are these the type of people who will actually appreciate your outfit, let alone your presence? Back and forth you guys go, weighing the pros and cons of adding on to this perfectly perfect friend date. Ultimately, you guys decide against it, both admitting that your beds and your dogs sound way better right now than more alcohol with people you don’t even really like that much. And, because you’re both mature and don’t keep track of these things, you split the bill right down the middle.
Your friend gets back in her car as you close the door behind you, feeling fulfilled by such a lovely evening with such a great friend. What would you do without your girl dates?
Friend: so much fun tonight. I love you soooooo much!!!
You: OMG! I was just thinking the same thing. you are the BEST. such a good time.
Friend: awww we’re so cute! hahahaha. we should just date each other.
You: if I could take your personality and put it into someone with a penis, my world would be complete.
Friend: hahahaha. ugh I love you. have a good sleep!
You: you too!
You: INSTAGRAM. NOW.
Friend: NO. NO. NO. OMG. I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE POSTED THAT??!?!?
You: I can. But I can’t. like, I can in general, but I can’t with the picture.
Friend: I am SO GLAD we didn’t go out.
You: horrifying. ok. text me in the morning.
Friend: duh. night
You: night night.