However, once you finally cut those ties and release yourself from the roommate shackles, you’ll question why you didn’t do it sooner. You’ll sit in stunned and perfectly contented silence, soaking in your newfound solo surroundings and questioning how you’ll ever be able to live with another human ever again.
1. What you say goes, always. No one human has ever lived with someone else without suffering through even the smallest bout of passive-aggression. Whether it came in the form of the silent treatment or the cringe-worthy structure of a post-it note, you have more than likely dealt with your fair share of quiet anger when it comes to roommates. But, when you live alone, it’s all your way or no way. Don’t feel like taking the overflowing trash out just yet? Good. Don’t. In a hurry and have no choice but to leave your milky cereal bowl in the sink and half-finished cup of coffee on the counter? Great. Get ‘er done. Prefer to freeze yourself out at night, keeping the A/C below 69°? Go for it. You will not find a tiny hate post-it note stuck to the thermostat the next morning, urging you to please keep it around 75° (this happened to me in college). Bottom line: You have total control over running your household how you want and no one can take that away from you or make you feel bad about it. You only have yourself to blame if shit isn’t getting done.
2. Naked is as naked does. As far as I’m concerned, there are two types of people in this world: Those who naturally love being naked whenever the opportunity arises, and those who think they don’t like being naked, but it’s really just that they haven’t lived alone yet. Slowly but surely, as a new solo dweller you will begin to realize how often you’re naked. The pants are the first to go, obviously. Who needs pants when you have full-ass underwear and a couch and a blanket? But then, you’ll start to notice how you don’t immediately reach for clothes after a shower. You prance around in your birthday suit almost mindlessly. The first time you actually notice is when you’re baking cookies and lean down to look into the oven, surprised at your naked boobs leaning down with you (true story). You’ll have naked dance parties, cracking yourself up at how disgustingly ridiculous this would look if anyone were to ever see you. You think I’m lying? Just wait. If you didn’t take yourself for an un-modest nudist before, live by yourself for a month and watch the change undress before your eyes.
3. Being a homebody has never been easier. When you don’t have someone living across or down the hall from your room, staying home alone is all you crave. With a roommate in tow, peer pressure is a constant, underlying theme. Oh, they’re going out? Sigh. Guess you have to, too. Oh, they’re staying in? Sigh. Guess you have to endure a movie night with them. No matter what they’re doing, it somehow almost always directly effects you. But, when you are riding solo, hiding away from the social scene is ridiculously easy. I’m not condoning being sketchy or reclusive, but sometimes it’s a necessity to keep your sanity. Your friends haven’t stopped texting you about tonight – everyone’s so excited to go out, get drunk, and make memories. But the only thing you can stomach is coming home, laying on your couch, watching a “Say Yes To The Dress” Marathon, and getting Thai delivered. And guess what? YOU CAN. No roommate is going to breeze past you, giving you the stinky guilt eye. You don’t have a live-in friend who is going to make it their goal to convince you into going out tonight. You can simply ignore texts or pretend you fell asleep – NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW. On the flip side of this, if you do want to be social tonight, leaving the bar when you want is just as easy. No waiting on your roommate to decide whether or not she’s staying. No debating how to get home or whether or not you need to leave a key somewhere for them. You peace out when you want to peace out and get to go home to nothing.
4. Sharing isn’t in your vocabulary. They say “sharing is caring,” so does not having to share with anyone make you an uncaring person? Not at all. It just makes your life a lot better. When it comes to roommates, food, toiletries, and almost anything else become annoyingly on-limits objects for sharing. Whether it’s laundry detergent, your favorite package of deli meat, or your over-priced shampoo, what you thought were your possessions start to disappear, bit by bit. You could’ve sworn you had enough turkey to make sandwiches all week, yet you suddenly only have a few pieces left. Or you were looking forward to nothing more than coming home and drinking that last delicious Oktoberfest beer, only to have your heart broken upon seeing your roommate happily sipping on it. “Sorry! You said I could help myself when you bought the 6-pack!” YEAH BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN LOSE ALL COMMON SENSE AND DRINK THE LAST ONE LIKE A JERK. But none of this happens when you and only you are living somewhere. Have all the beers and all the turkey – it’s yours for the taking.
5. Anything goes with sex. You knew this was coming (pun intended?) and that it’d be last. Sex and a roommate is tricky. You can’t ever really let go of your inhibitions for fear of them hearing you or walking in the door in any minute. With a roommate, the act of sex is rarely natural. Pre-emptive moves are made, i.e. texting to see where they are and when/if they’ll be home soon, locking your door, turning on loud music, and the list goes on. Rarely are you able to just give into the moment, and throw caution (and your panties) to the wind. But when you live alone, you can do whatever, whenever, however you want. Sex on the couch, on the kitchen table, in the kitchen, while showering, with every single door wide open – your options are endless! Be loud, be proud, and never again worry about getting walked in on or “caught.” It’s truly a beautiful thing.