1. When you have big or small news to share, no matter if it’s as silly as finding the last pair of the earrings you’ve been coveting for a few weeks (which, sidenote, is always big news), you have a set list of friends in which you mass text. And not in a group either, because you want each friend to feel special and have her own reaction. You write the text out to the first friend and copy/paste that bitch to your other four go-tos.
2. You have to physically restrict yourself from posting too many status updates on Facebook, because those are something you still believe in and do. You’ve set limits for yourself, and have to make a conscious effort to stick to them.
3. So, instead, you litter all over your Twitter feed. Because who actually checks Twitter anymore? No one you know personally, so you’re safe there. All your oversharing thoughts are safe in that blue bird’s beak.
4. You see it as a red flag if someone legitimately only updates their Facebook status once a month. “Well, clearly, he’s emotionally unavailable.”
5. You are no stranger to texting about your, ahem, bathroom situations. In fact, you find it hilarious, interesting, and aren’t sure why anyone wouldn’t? We all do it, so it’s funnier when you talk about it.
6. In fact, you take offense if your friends don’t share their horrific bathroom events with you as they’re happening.
7. Or what they’re having for lunch.
8. Or what they’re doing right now.
9. Because, you see, over-communication comes with the territory. Being an oversharer, you completely unrealistically expect your closest friends (and complete strangers) to overshare, too. Reminding yourself that not everyone is like you in this respect is a daily struggle.
10. All that said, your friends have had to ask you multiple times to please rein it in with graphic details of your sexual encounters. Again, you forget that not everyone wants to hear about exactly what went where and how it felt and the noises you or him made. Oops.
11. You never miss a #MCM, #WCW, #TBT or #FBF. Also, you strongly believe in the #OOTD. Any chance you have to share your opinion or small life moments with the world, you’ll take.
12. Speaking of Instagram, you obviously post once a day, but usually twice. And if you’re at an event or you’re having an uncharacteristically eventful Saturday afternoon, up to five times. PEOPLE NEED TO SEE EVERYTHING YOU’RE DOING. IT’S IMPORTANT.
13. Unlike most normal humans who answer “Fine!” when a salesperson or cashier asks how they’re doing today, you answer honestly. You figure why not be sincere? How many times has this person heard “Fine!” or “I’m good, how are you?” today? And, sure, usually the salesperson or cashier has no idea what to do with the truthful answer you just gave them (e.g. “Eh, okay. I didn’t get much sleep because I was texting this new guy until midnight, which is totally past my bedtime since I’m a looooser. But it was worth it! I’m just so sleepy. I’m gonna go home after this and nap, I hope.”), but you feel better having not given them a lame, one-word answer.
14. At least once a day, a friend or colleague asks you to “Please stop” or just outright screams “TMI!”
15. You have no issue announcing you’re PMSing, even when people flinch about it. Which is weird to you because, like, it’s natural. It’s not something to flinch about. You’re just explaining why you are eating so much this week and are more moody than usual. It’s openness, and they should appreciate that.
16. Unless you’re under extremely dangerous conditions or in the absolute biggest rush of your entire life, you wouldn’t dare send a one-word text. Ever. The minimum is a full sentence and, as far as you’re concerned, there is no maximum. If your friend is busy and can’t talk on the phone or see you in person, then they know they better buckle up because they’re about to get a screen and a half-long text with your life updates.
17. You have a terrible habit of asking “What are you thinking?” to romantic prospects. Not once, not twice, but like multiple times in one sitting. And if they scoff at you, you’re like WTF because you are ready and willing to tell them what you’re thinking if they asked. What’s the big deal? JUST TELL ME. I WOULD TELL YOU.
18. If your friends haven’t heard about your day in detail, they know it’s one of three things: 1) You’re mad at them, 2) You’re waiting for them to ask because they know you can be a little insecure about your oversharing sometimes, 3) You’re dead.