2. Season 4 of “The Killing” on Netflix.
3. Going out and spending money you don’t have on drinks that do nothing but make you a bit more vulnerable and a bit more, er, “curvy” isn’t always worth it. We all know the atrocity of post-graduate, hangover headaches all too well.
4. Going out and engaging in fabricated flirting with humans of the male persuasion just to get said drinks is fun, like, once. After that, you feel sort of like a 16-year-old waiting around outside a gas station, playing “Hey, Mister…” Shame.
5. I can’t speak from experience, but I can only imagine how tiring and annoying it could get as a male to go out for some “ass” (that’s what the kids call it nowadays) and come home with just your own ass and no one else’s.
6. Loud clubs are Satan’s playground.
7. Seedy dive bars are better, but lend themselves more easily to downtime wherein you wonder why you even bothered coming out just to sit here in this seedy dive bar.
8. Delivery food of any and all varieties.
9. Expanding on #8: a prime excuse to stoop to Domino’s Pizza level and blame it on just being “soooooooooo lazy and fat this weekend.”
10. On the flip side, how about cooking yourself a real meal for once? All week, you come home and either eat something embarrassing for dinner, like popcorn or cereal, or you make pasta and chicken so often, you are completely numb to it now. Take this Friday or Saturday to actually plan a nice meal for yourself, buy all the ingredients, and make a dish so delicious, you won’t be able to say “no” to yourself. If you can read, you can follow a recipe.
11. “Breaking Bad” on Netflix.
12. Why waste that impossibly cute outfit on a nothing night? You’ve been waiting a month for the perfect excuse to wear the most adorable outfit you’ve probably ever created – you can keep waiting. There’s bound to be some event coming up soon that almost guarantees you’ll get one or two Instagram worthy pictures in this amazing ensemble, right? There is nothing worse – NOTHING – than a wasted outfit on a nothing night.
13. Everyone needs a night to do nothing but decompress, and by decompress I mean think about what made you angry this week, what made you happy, and also fart. A lot.
15. I want you to sit here for a minute and count the number of times you’ve actually, seriously regretted not going out. You saw pictures, heard stories, and witnessed annoying inside jokes from some night that you chose to opt out of and are now haunted by your decision. Your friends mention this particular night you missed at least once a week, and you’re still kicking yourself for having not partaken. How many nights did you count? Like one? Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Go forth, my weekend warriors. Go forth to your couch and never look back.