1. Try lox spread!
2. Visit Astoria Park at sunset.
3. Run terrified from Astoria Park at sundown.
4. Smell the horse manure at Central Park.
5. Get a manicure by an Asian woman.
6. Go to a Mets game!
7. Frantically struggle to make decisions at a Flatiron salad bar.
8. Parallel park.
9. Get parking ticket because all street signs require fucking Rosetta Stone-level interpreting.
10. Make out with a sweaty brown man after 2AM.
11. Walk through the hot steam of trash day.
12. Wait ~35 minutes for a weekend train to an outer borough after a night of drinking and contemplate pissing your pants.
13. Wander into the wrong end of Bushwick.
14. Shakespeare in the Park!
15. Feel utterly, desperately alone in a crowded room.
16. Get pastrami at Katz’s Delicatessen.
17. Give money to a homeless junkie.
18. Get chased by a homeless junkie.
19. Seriously consider a homeless junkie.
20. Lose Metrocard with any amount >$7 on it.
21. Mis-swipe Metrocard at least 4X during rush hour morning commute.
22. Drunkenly consider HJing a cab driver.
23. Ride the Cyclone at Coney Island!
24. Bleed on a stranger.
25. Get shoved.
26. Wonder if you’re capable of murder.
27. Discover you aren’t.
28. Openly cry on a subway train.
29. File a police report (any reason you choose).
30. Skip out on a bar tab.
31. Sing karaoke in a dark underground basement.
32. Let a middle-aged man buy you a Coors Lite.
33. Happen upon a used condom that doesn’t belong to you.
34. Have a “bed bug scare.”
35. Utilize a SoulCycle free trial.
36. Touch a subway pole and remember you forgot to wash your hands midway through lunch.
37. Listen to a coworker’s story about the “hellish” wait for the elevator.
38. Sit on a public toilet seat with visible pubes.
39. See a storytelling show at The Moth or Joe’s Pub.
40. Discover that most anyone can live with water bugs.
41. Splurge on a Dry Bar.
42. Smoke cigarettes, even though you promised your mom you never would.
43. Develop irreversible rage toward your penny-pinching landlord.
44. Try Momofuku. DUH!
45. Flirt with a street meat vendor for extra sauce.
46. Suffer violent and excessive diarrhea in public (unrelated to street meat).
47. Union Square Farmers Market!
48. See a show at the Comedy Cellar.
49. Witness an improv show that costs actual money.
50. Step in warm dog shit because your ass-hat of a friend neglected to warn you.
51. Max out your data getting directions to the correct hole-in-the-wall brunch spot.
53. Leave a swamp-ass stain on a subway seat.