Spoiler Alert: You Cannot Predict The Future

I still find it weird there are people who truly believe in psychics when most of them are just really good at cold reading and being exceptionally theatrical.

But, hey, that hasn’t stopped me from being overly dramatic and claiming I predicted something totally random and coincidental.

I remember having a crush (as I so often do) and seeing that he had friended one of my friends on Facebook. Immediately I thought, “Shit, he’s totally into her.”

Is this the thought of a rational person? Um, no. Half of my Facebook friends are people I wouldn’t make eye contact with if I saw them IRL (sorry you had to find out this way). Friending someone doesn’t really mean all that much anymore. Damn millennials these days and their promiscuous friending.

However, just a week later my friend told me that my crush had asked her out and they, like, totally hooked up.

“I’m so happy for you.” I said as I was *internally screaming*.

I smiled in a way that could only interpreted as “if you weren’t my friend, I would totally never speak to you again.”

You may be asking, “Emma, if you guys were friends, why didn’t you just tell her you liked this guy?” And to you, the reader, I respond: “Don’t try to bring reason to this story. This is an article about me potentially being psychic. Your rational thinking has no place here.”

It’s a valid point, though. We were new friends and hadn’t yet had the pleasure of discussing which guy was, like, totally gorgeous. She didn’t know I liked him. There was no way she could have known. I never talked to her about him. Ever.

Of course, that didn’t change my very deep envy. I should’ve made a move before this happened. After all, I did predict that he was into her. What good are predictions if you don’t act on them?

Honestly, I thought he liked me and he was just hesitant about asking me out. I found out later that he has never hesitated about asking anyone out. Ever.

*tears*

The question remained: why did I immediately think he was into her from an innocuous friend request?

Answer A: Having a crush makes you perceive any slight action as having deeper meaning that it actually does and even though these interpretations are usually false, sometimes one correct one makes you feel like all of your worst fears have come true.

Answer B:
One attractive heterosexual male befriended an attractive heterosexual female. There is always the possibility that they are attracted to each other and will act on their impulses. It happens.

Answer C: You are, in fact, in possession of supernatural abilities. Use them wisely.

Answer B seemed to be the most likely. After all, my “friend” is a straight-up dime (at least that is what her current profile picture still seems to suggest, we do not talk anymore for unrelated reasons) and my ex-crush is a handsome player who seems to loves his face more than Narcissus and who upon (Greek mythology pun alert) reflection was probably more of a douche than I gave him credit for.

I think I’m just less shallow than I was before.

Eh… probably not.

In any case, I had found myself in a classic cognitive dissonance spiral: every time I predicted something correctly, it only further proved how right I am about everything. But if I was wrong, well, that’s an anomaly; who could have predicted that? I’m right, right?

“He’s definitely going to eat the carne asada sandwich today. It’s a Wednesday and I feel like that means something totally relevant to his food choices. Oh, he got one. I knew it. Obviously. I’m always right.”

“Oh, he’s definitely going to get a bottle of water. His face is just slightly drained with dehydration. He’s definitely thirsty. Hmm, that appears to be Diet Mountain Dew. Yes, he’s tired and watching out for calories while getting a caffeine fix. That’s why he looks tired. I knew it. Obviously. I’m always right.”

Thankfully these were all crazy internal monologues that I would not dare share with another human. Except you, dear reader. You understand me… right?

How about I just start acting somewhat rationally again and we pretend me staring at some guy order lunch never happened.

But here’s what you should take away from my failed attempts at trying to predict things.

You never can truly know what people are thinking. This may sound obvious, but it’s a good reminder to get every now and then. Everyone is shaped by their own experiences and perception of the world, which you can only view from your own unique lens, also shaped by your life. You may be able to pick up on behavioral patterns, but their intentions may be context-specific or have a completely different meaning depending on the day. People are weird and complex. They don’t always do things you would necessarily consider to be “rational.” (See: my life decisions)

Shit happens. I don’t actually believe that “everything happens for a reason.” While there might be a hidden reason to why something would happen to someone at a particular moment, the fact that it happened doesn’t have any bigger meaning other than the fact that it happened. If algebra has taught us anything, it’s that there are always unknown variables. If life outside of high school has taught us anything, you don’t always need to know how to solve for them in order to get by and enjoy life.

It’s the unexpected that keeps life interesting. Honestly, being actually psychic might make life boring. You already know what’s going to happen. Life would just be a series of re-runs of your favorite series. Yes, you might like watching them from time to time, but surprise endings in the season finale are what make the show great. Change is inevitable and the future is unknowable. And that’s scary and exciting as hell. TC mark

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