If you’re a girl, and you just read the title of this article, don’t lie, I know you smiled. We all know the black hole that is known as the girl’s fraternity bathroom. We’ve all been there…and it’s never alone. Whether it’s being accompanied by friends (because girls never go alone) or being nursed back to health, we all know this is a special place.
You meet many different girls in the course of a night, but they can be classified into five types. But best of all, it’s a place where you run into girls that become your best friend in the course of two minutes (even if you never see them again). This one is for you gals, my fraternity bathroom best friend.
1. The Crying Girl: There will always be one, whether it be you or one of your friends. This girl will bust through the door like nothing is wrong, and than BAM, she’s bawling like somebody left her at the alter. It starts out as a normal conversation. She’ll be standing at the mirror next to you and probably will compliment your outfit. Just when you open your mouth to respond, the water works start going. She mutters words in between heavy sobs, and you look around because you have no idea what you did or what to do. You grab tissues (toilet paper), pat her on the back and assure her it’s going to be okay. When her group of friends finally arrive, they push you away and all hug…this is your chance. RUN.
2. The Girl Who Can’t Function: You may find this girl on the floor, leaned up against the wall or asleep in the stall. It’s the girl who “can’t even”. She’s often had too much to drink, has a glazed look and can barely keep her eyes open. He friends will try to hold her together, bringing her cups of water while she constantly insists that she’s fine with a subtle hand wave.
3. A Football Player’s Long Time Girlfriend: If you’re like me and you attend a small school where almost everyone is on a sports team, then you’re bound to be hanging out at a fraternity with majority athletes. In my case, its football players. Which is why you will without a doubt encounter a football player’s girlfriend once a night. This girl is usually spotted earlier around 10:45 or so. It will be on your earliest of bathroom trips of the night, normally the one where you go to re apply makeup. She’s easily identified because she will be standing at the sink, brushing her teeth in flip flops, running shorts and one of his tee shirts. 10:45 on a Saturday night and she’s headed for bed. No doubt she will smirk at you in the mirror, tell you to have fun and then you will never see her again.
4. The Angry Sober Sister: This girl is normally accompanied by the girl who can’t function, and is often her best friend. She saw her friend’s situation going downhill rapidly, and after four hours of taking care of her, she is sick of it. She will stand by the stall, scowling, asking her friend every 5 minutes if she’s okay. If you ask her what’s wrong, she might bite you. Then she’ll go on a rant about how her friend always does this, and she never gets to have any fun. Blah, blah, blah, me, me, me. When you suggest that she takes her friend home, she will tell you to shut up and that she can handle it.
5. Your New Best Friend: This girl is the best and we all have one. It’s the girl who compliments you, then you compliment her, and then you talk about nothing for literally sixty seconds. Then you go, “Did we just become best friends?!” Yes. This girl is your frat bathroom bestie. You instantly get her number so you can text throughout the night, and you promise her that you’ll meet for brunch the next day…It’s amazing what a good mood and having one thing in common can do for people. Whether you have one, or many frat bathroom besties that you haven’t seen since, this one is for you girls. Thanks for always making my night a little more bearable.