We need to take a break. I need some time to breathe, learn, and prioritize myself. I know I’ll come back to you one day. I will admit that I want a husband and kids and a golden retriever and that white picket fence – but not right now.
I need time for myself. I need to focus on myself. In all honesty, I used to hate it when people told me to focus on myself. I took it as an insult. In my head it sounded like, “You are not good enough for anyone so take time for yourself and become a better, more attractive (skinnier), and more appealing person. Become someone a boy would actually want to date or marry.”
But here is what I have learned recently. Or how I have decided to interpret that “advice:” Take time for yourself because you need it. You have not been getting the love and respect you need so take life into your own hands and give yourself the love and respect you deserve.
This is why I need a break. The men in my life have been shit. I have been stood up. I have been ghosted. I have been used. I am also pretty sure I have been the other girl. And here is the thing, I fucking love myself. So all of this shittiness doesn’t come from some weird myth of hating myself. Every woman should love herself. I think I am beautiful. I think I am smart. I think I am kind. You know what, I take that all back. I KNOW I am beautiful, smart, kind and so much more.
I also know I have flaws and there is always a way to be a better version of myself but that is not the point of this break. I do not want to nitpick my flaws because I do not want my significant other to nitpick my flaws. I want them to love these flaws and think they are funny quirks instead of flaws.
I am going to take myself out to nice dinners. I am going to stay up late watching my favorite movies while drinking my favorite beer. I am going to prioritize my sexual pleasure and make sure I cum every time (God bless the vibrator). I am going to read all the unread books on my bookshelf and plan trips to see the world by myself.
Hopefully one day I will come back to you, men. I know I will. But you’ve let me down too many times recently. I need to be brought back up and I plan to do that with the most reliable and caring person I know – myself. I want to make sure I am striving toward happiness and knowledge and not another heartbreak.
I will love myself because that is a relationship stronger than any. I wont let myself down – and if I do, I will make it up to myself. I am going to keep loving myself until I am willing to let another person love me. And that isn’t right now.
So, men, incase it wasn’t clear, we are taking a break.
Don’t worry; it’s not me, it’s you.