THE CLAIM vs. THE REALITY
The Claim: Victorian.
The Reality: Old.
The Claim: Charming.
The Reality: Hasn’t been remodeled since the people who lived in it wore bonnets and bustles.
The Claim: Cozy.
The Reality: Still haunted by the aforementioned people.
The Claim: Modern.
The Reality: Has parking; maybe a dishwasher.
The Claim: Safe.
The Reality: Way out of your price range. Period.
The Claim: Quiet.
The Reality: Out in the boondocks.
The Claim: Sparkling Pool.
The Reality: There’s a body of water somewhere near the premises. (Could be a pond.)
The Claim: 24-hour gym.
The Reality: One small room in the main office with a treadmill, a yoga mat, a TV and 5 People magazines from 1998.
The Claim: Secure.
The Reality: Pay no attention to the bars on all the windows.
The Claim: No Stairs!
The Reality: No elevator, either. Learn to levitate.
The Claim: Short-Term Leases Available!
The Reality: …For an extra $200 a month.
The Claim: Free Heat for Your First Month!
The Reality: Only applicable if you move in between the months of May-August.
The Claim: Furnished.
The Reality: Previous tenant left their stuff there, and it’s in decent condition.
The Claim: Spacious.
The Reality: We can at least promise you won’t hit your head on the ceiling.
The Claim: Condo.
The Reality: That rent figure you see? It’s really the weekly rate.
The Claim: Easy Access to Transportation.
The Reality: You’re located next door to, on top of, or underneath the damn T-station.
The Claim: Up and Coming Neighborhood!
The Reality: You won’t get a single night’s sleep.