Communication is vital to any relationship. Without it there will always be misunderstandings, fights, frustrations, confusions… But what kind of communication do you want? Do you want frequency or do you want meaningful, value-adding communication?
Saying that you want better communication isn’t enough, or so I’ve learned.
You have to be more specific, you have to really tell people what you want so it won’t be a guessing game anymore.
For me, I want communication that is open, truthful, deep, meaningful, something that makes you think. I want smart conversations, debates even. I want to learn something new from every person I talk to. I want them to open my eyes to new issues, give me a new perspective, a different angle.
I want people to show me their passion.
I want to have both heated discussions and light-hearted conversations. There has to be a balance between serious conversations and fluff conversations.
In a relationship, communication is key. Expecting your partner read your mind will get you nowhere.
In my experience, most people are not that good at remembering the important things and if they can’t even do that, then you’re lucky if they remember the little things.
I asked for more communication once but I didn’t clarify exactly what I wanted because I assumed that he understood. Turns out, he just thought I wanted him to talk to me more often. He called me up twice a day or even more sometimes, but our conversations didn’t have the kind of substance that it used to.
We had shallow conversations. They started with “How was your day?” and that’s all we’d talk about or worse, “Did you eat already? What did you have?”
I wanted stimulating conversation.
I wanted to see his passion for things, for him to show so much interest in what we were talking about. I didn’t need to talk to him more often because I knew he couldn’t sustain that with everything he and I had going on. It’s dull having conversations about what we ate, how long we slept, what we planned to do that day. They matter, but if that’s the kind of conversation you have on a daily basis…Then where is the connection? How do you get to know the person aside from their daily routine? Is that all they are? Is that the depth of their being?
Relationships die because of lack of or insufficient communication.
People communicate their problems, their frustrations, their ideas. I wasn’t getting any of that anymore. It was becoming meaningless, but I didn’t do anything about it because I wasn’t assertive enough about what I wanted and I didn’t want to bother him with my wants.
That’s where I was wrong.
Don’t make the same mistake I did and just go with the flow. Create the flow. It gets tiring asking the questions all the time, but if you ask the right ones then you’ll get what you want.
Don’t restrict yourself because you don’t want to seem demanding or overbearing or bored. Tell them what you want so they can feel comfortable telling you what they want. That way neither of you have to guess what the other wants, and neither of you end up feeling empty.
It’s a waste of time when things can be so easy. Problems can be avoided, resolved, forgotten.
You have to decide for yourself the kind of communication you want, but never compromise and say that whatever is fine.
Communication has to ALWAYS be truthful. Both of you ALWAYS have to be honest.
Don’t keep things from each other because that’s where cracks form in your relationship. They form in the secrets that you keep. Be more open. Demand. Stand up for what you want. Don’t and NEVER settle for just okay.