If you are aching over a man, wondering if he’ll ever make it right, I can tell you the answer. I can tell you now, from a distance, because I can’t bear the pain of remembering too closely this exact love…I can tell you. But you won’t believe me. You will rip apart inside. You will never be the same…The answer is no. He won’t leave her. He won’t stop drinking, cheating, lying… You will NEVER be first.
Even when he’s told her about you. Even when you’ve moved mountains to be near him. Even when you’ve allowed him to “borrow” and never replenish every valuable resource in your precious inner ecosystem. You will still never be first…not in his life.
But, when you realize how fucking PHENOMENAL you are, and he doesn’t, you will eventually have to question his judgment. Then, you’ll meet someone who you will constantly compare to him at first. And in the passion and profound experience department, new guy will seem lesser. Then, you’ll get sick, or sad, or have raging PMS, and New Guy WILL SHOW UP. New Guy will catch a glimpse the primitive cave paintings left by Unobtainable Guy and you will be ashamed.
But New Guy wants to see more…
Because he sees the scars on your soul are artwork which only enhances your inner beauty. And in that moment, your tears will turn to joy, because you will realize that New Guy WILL put you first.
Always. And he will never make you worry that he might leave. That he might lie. That he might cheat. And suddenly New Guy will be THE ONLY GUY.
Years past Unobtainable Guy, you will still shed a tear for what you thought he was making you, the you and you were making him, the we you thought the two of you would be when the we he created in you-that unsettling feeling you thought was love, when you heard his voice.
Finally, you found a story whose cover you didn’t judge, like you would have before the hostile takeover your precious ecosystem is still repairing. You would never have even read the first sentence of this story, if the he/we had ever gotten to be without she. Now, you see…The real story.
The one where you became the lead character in that life, where the brilliant protagonist thinks you’re beautiful always, never makes you cry, always makes you laugh, and will tell you how deeply he loves you, even when he doesn’t like you. A portion of your heart remembers the serendipitous Unobtainable Him from the past. It causes a murmur.
But, now you know now that you need a man who will put you first, not promise that he will someday. The Only Guy puts you first so reliably that you’ve grown to expect it…which you should’ve done all along. When you can complete a thought that doesn’t remind you of the dark unreliable him, and finish a conversation without tears, give someone who is very unlike Mr. Unobtainable in every way the time of day.
And when you finally hear him singing your praises, you wont even notice the murmur… He might not give you butterflies, but that’s because he’s busy thinking of how to give you everything you deserve.