Everyone’s going to be telling you it will get better and I know right now all it does is frustrate you, outrage you at how they can assume they know what it’s like. But, baby girl, believe me it will improve if you just stick it out.
Remember that on those godforsaken nights where you’re lying curled up on your bedroom floor tearing your hair out with tears streaming down you face. When all you want to do is scream and scream until the pain ends. Remember there are people who love you, who will miss you if you left without a trace. You’ve fought so so so hard that to give up now would mean it was all for nothing.
Don’t be afraid to seek help. You’ve been there all time for everyone around you, regardless of how much pain you yourself may be in, it’s your turn now. Your turn to seek help and run crying to them.
It doesn’t make you weak.
Quite the opposite, in fact, it makes you strong enough to admit that you aren’t invincible, that you too need help at times. That you aren’t perfect, even if you are pretty close honey.
It’s the only way any of this is going to end.
Sometimes our greatest moments of courage are quiet moments of admission. Admission that we are in need of help, admission that life can get to be too much and admission that we are strong enough to seek help. Those around you will be more than happy to lift you up, to pick up the pieces but at the end of the day you need to be strong enough to ask them to.
I know currently you hate yourself more than words can tell you right now, but God honey you are incredible. You can’t see it now but you’re intelligent and capable and talented and strong and independent and beautiful, oh so beautiful. Even today it’s not totally clear to me but know that someday it will be. Let your loved ones show you but know that at the end of the day you’re the only one who can pull yourself through this. Those stories about boys with broken smiles who single handedly drag damsels out of their distress are just that, stories.
You need to be your own Prince Charming, you own knight in shining armour, your own superman.
But God, baby girl, you are so much stronger, capable of so much more than any of them ever could be.
Put down the pills, darling, life is too short as it is, why on earth would you want it to be any shorter? You’re going places, sweetie, this is just a bump in the road, another obstacle before you get there. You’ll be so much stronger for it someday but for now just stick it out, seek help and know that it does get better.