It’s 11:54 p.m. You’re alone in your room, quietly reveling in your choice to stay at home to munch on Doritos with the lights off while binge-watching How I Met Your Mother for the thousandth time. It’s been a crazy week; a little solo Netflix and chill is just what you needed. A text flashes across your screen, illuminating the room in silver-blue light. You fumble in the darkness, reaching out to expand the message in hopes that there was more to this text preview you may have missed.
“U up?” he asks.
There isn’t more. It’s a bittersweet victory you think to yourself, beginning to habitually draft up a reply that you’ll edit as many times as outfit changes before a first date. Or any date really — let’s be honest here. He’s not much for talking, but then again you two haven’t made much time for that. Obviously, he’s interested. And who doesn’t want to be wanted, right? But you are worth so much more than auto-filled conversations and forced small talk. You know this.
Questions begin to build making it difficult to decipher what the best response might be, or whether to respond to him at all. Do I really want to do this right now? Why do I always hear from him so late? Why don’t we ever talk about anything normal? Am I wasting my time?
These are questions you fear you already know the answer to. Scratch that: questions that you do already know the answer to. Deep down, next to all the other things you never wanted to face. Be gentle, you remind yourself – remembering a line you’d heard in yoga class with a friend earlier that week. Protect your energy.
You glance at the clock again, deciding driving is a bad idea after a couple more glasses of wine earlier in the night and toss your phone aside.
We‘ve all been there. Spinning our wheels to please someone who never wanted anything more than a half-assed romance. Someone we felt truly connected to. Someone who didn’t feel the same or just flat-out didn’t want to. With us on the pleasing end, somewhere between acting on instant gratification and yearning for something more.
It’s time to recognize yourself as worthy of the love you so deeply desire. You are worth his effort. You are worth [her] appreciation. You are worthy of being wanted for all you are, not just the pieces your partner likes best.
Know this too.
You are worth more than three-letter responses and empty compliments. You are worth more than meaningless intimate encounters with humans who don’t appreciate you.
You are worthy of more, but you must first be courageous enough to claim it.
While slipping off your mint-colored avocado socks and sliding into bed, you feel a little bit stronger. A little bit more aligned. Because you are worth so much more than a ‘U up?’ text.
And for the first time in a long time, you feel certain that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.