We all seem to be in search of the seemingly ethereal concept of a soulmate.
Do they even exist? And if they do, how the hell are you supposed to find yours out of the 7.5 billion people on Earth?
This is something I have mulled over time and time again over the years. My opinions on the concept may seem weird to you. You might not buy it. But, let’s give it a go.
Firstly, I don’t think every person on the planet needs a soulmate. My thoughts on this all stem from an idea of people being capable of needing and receiving at a certain level.
I’m a deep person. Often too deep. I feel as if I’m always teetering on that line of being intriguingly quirky and the type of bizarre that scares people away. I’m telling you this for a reason.
I have always felt that there are people, souls, spirits or whatever that I resonate with on this intangible level. When I meet these people, I get filled with an instant sense of completion.
I’ve explained this to friends and some have said, “Wow. I have never felt that and that’s for sure.” Some had felt it, though.
But, see, I didn’t know what to do with all of this at first. Some of these experiences were with women. Some were with men. And with the men, they weren’t always men I felt an attraction towards.
We often think of soulmates as lovers. This was just a recognition of a kindred spirit. These instances blossomed into beautiful friendships.
Soulmates are absolutely everywhere. In many many forms.
Okay, okay. I know you don’t want to hear about all my super rad friendships. Let’s talk about the soulmate you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. Your true love.
If I had to guess, we likely have quite a few people floating around this planet who could fit the part of a soulmate in your life. The problem isn’t finding them. It’s being able to connect with your inner need for this person and then recognize that connection in someone else.
You need to open your heart past its current boundaries. The Buddhists have excellent teachings on stretching and growing the heart in order to accept all that comes your way.
Anyways, I think that some people crave a deep connection on a visceral level. So we need to find people who are open to the same sort of thing. It takes two to tango, right?
And what’s really interesting is that some people fall in love, get married and have the most beautiful lives without ever using the word “soulmate.” Probably because they never felt inclined to find a soulmate. And they’re perfectly content with the lives they’ve created.
Some people just want someone to cook dinner and enjoy weekend trips with. Some want those life-rumbling conversations about existence and human purpose.
That is my whole point. I have been in love with men who I didn’t connect with on these extreme levels that I had with others. I just knew I needed more. Some people don’t dig deep enough to even consider that they need more.
This brings us on to a really cool concept my brilliant friend, Carly, came up with. Love ceilings. Here’s what she says:
“Two people could be in a relationship with each other, say they love the other person more than anything in the world, and both genuinely mean it. But what that means to one person isn’t necessarily the same as what it means to other. We all have a ‘ceiling’ or upward limit on what we are able to feel or what we expect from love, and not everyone’s ceiling is the same.”
Does this make sense? The level at which you give and receive love is really on you.
We are all so different. And we all want such different things out of partnerships. But, we often come back with disappointment when things don’t work out over and over again.
We get frustrated because we don’t think the right person is out there anywhere. If they were, we would have found them by now, right?
I think it starts with this willingness to open. The more willing you are to receive, the greater your likelihood of creating a meaningful connection with someone rather than just going on as you are expecting great things from these relationships when their love ceilings are hanging much lower than yours.
If a soulmate is what you want. What you need. All you have to do is open your eyes, mind and soul.
Find the person you resonate with. The person who is just as open as you are. The person you not only like. The person you’re not only attracted to. But, the person you inexplicably connect with.
They DO exist. If you want deep connections, you have to dig deep within yourself.
And it’s important to note that I don’t believe everyone needs at this level. So, it takes self-reflection to understand what it is that you truly want.
Be patient. Be open. Be kind.
Let love come to you.