The raw helplessness of a broken heart is an all-encompassing experience.
When you’re emotionally hurting, you’re physically hurting. Science has proven connections between emotional distress and physical pain. They coexist.
Like when you actually get sick to your stomach if you try to eat when a certain song is playing. You replay the words they’ve said and there’s this diffuse pain like when you heard it for the first time.
We can so quickly be transported back to this full-bodied experience.
The pit in your stomach reappears just when you thought you’ve ridded it for good.
I believe that it’s healthy to let go of things in life. Live in the now. Be present. Be awake. I preach it. I practice it.
But now, I think it’s time we address the fact that sometimes you can’t just let it go.
This is why we just can’t get over you.
Life is tricky. We want explanations for it all, but some things simply can’t be explained. There isn’t always a reason or plausible cause. Some things just happen.
When a heart breaks, the pieces can begin to come together when the logic of what actually happened can be verified.
Maybe you realize that it wasn’t really love. Maybe he cheated with his ex-girlfriend because he’d really loved her all along. Maybe your personalities just weren’t compatible.
Not that any of it is easy to hear, but for some reason we function better if we can reason through these experiences.
All of that is irrelevant because amongst these realizations, you know that there’s something else. There are pieces of this puzzle that just aren’t fitting, therefore you’re left unsettled and without peace.
You’re holding onto these memories because quite frankly, they can’t be forgotten.
He told you that he saw a future with you. You looked at engagement rings together.
He told you that you were the most important thing in his world. You talked about moving in together.
And of course, he told you that he loved you. He was in love with you.
So, what the f*ck happened? Our brains can’t just erase those words or the feelings we had when we heard them.
And that’s why we can’t just let go.
Because we can’t at all fathom how a human is capable of making these grand statements with such conclusive connotations and somehow just take them all back.
How in one moment we can be so certain, and then so quickly forget how we felt in that moment. How reckless we can be with our words. How careless we can be with other’s hearts when we say such profound things.
I think that we get caught up in moments and we act irresponsibly. We don’t acknowledge the fact that we grow and evolve on a daily basis.
Most things in life aren’t definite. Not many things can be said for certain.
But, there we are. Making these bold statements that can flip someone’s world upside down.
I am so far removed from my past relationships. I don’t think of them often. But, yet, there are these moments when one thing reminds me of one thing and there I am picturing the words that I thought I could hold on to forever.
After all these years, it still hurts and it still astounds. I will never understand why or how they could have felt so certain, then just walk away from it all.
That’s why we hurt so badly. Not because you left. Not because you changed your mind. Not because you don’t love us.
We hurt because we can’t let go of all the good you did. We can’t let go of all the promise that hung in the sweet moments we shared with you.
It’s hard because it was good.
So, what do we do with that?
I don’t think there’s an answer. I don’t think that anyone can fix this because we can’t un-hear it. We can’t un-feel it. These moments are a part of us.
Perhaps, in life, we can be more conscious of our ever-changing realities. We can acknowledge that life and love are always at liberty to change.
We can remember that actions speak louder than words. That it’s easy to get caught up in a moment and just speak. But, it’s hard to get caught up in a moment and act.
Speak for the moments that are worth acting upon. Maybe, just maybe, that will deter us from speaking on a whim.
Or, maybe this just gave you clarity. Maybe this made you understand why it’s been ten years and we’re still not entirely over you.
Maybe you’ll be more careful next time.