So first of all, let me say I’m writing this from a place of anger. Okay, not really anger just confusion… mixed with a little bit of anger, maybe a lot. My now ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years, so some would say it was a pretty serious relationship. In my depressing scenario, I was the break-upee and not the break-upper, so I’m embarassed to admit that I was pulling some desperately sad words during the whole break up – which lasted all of 5 minutes. I’m talking some Grey’s Anatomy / Notebook sappy, pathetic words. But let’s not dwell on that.
So the break-up is only a week old, but I’ve been riding on a rollercoaster of emotions during it. It’s not a fun ride my friends.
24 hours after the break up, the only thing I could think about was how we’re never going to talk again, text again, snapchat again. As I mentioned, the break up did not take long, and it pretty much took me by surprise so there were a lot of things on my end that went unsaid. During Desperation, I’m searching for any nonchalant way to reestablish communication. Even to at least say the words that I didn’t have at the time.
How can you end a 5 year relationship in 5 minutes? I guess a minute per year your together. There’s relationship math for you. That seems completely logical. Every time you hear that song that makes you think of him or that place you use to eat, you swell up with anger from your toes to your chin. If you’re lucky you take kickboxing or you own a punching bag. Since I had neither, I just clenched my teeth really tight.
At one point you realize your life has become sadly funny, and you can’t help but laugh at your situation. For instance, I was getting my nails done 3 days post break-up and my nail girl’s asking me “You married? You have kids? You need to hurry.” When I replied negative to both questions, she then asks “You at least have boyfriend?”. What can you do but laugh?
The anxiety hits you like a wave when you think about how you’re going out this weekend. Will he be there? Will you run into them? Are you going to see any of his friends? Do they already know? By nature, I’m an anxious person so this just magnified on my end.
So I haven’t reached this yet, but I hear there’s such a thing as Closure. A point where eventually you don’t think about them and how they screwed you over. Where you can actually start functioning in society like the person you use to be. Sounds like a nice place to be.