The girl who gets up to complete the routine that she’d feel lost without. The girl that drags her tired legs to the edge of the bed and considers laying back down, but gets up. The one who clips her hair back and paints her face every morning no matter how she’s feeling.
I see you, I am you.
I want you to know how brave you are because I know it’s not easy.
I know that you’re growing and even at 25, the growing pains hurt more than you possibly ever thought they would. You assumed by this point, you’d know everything and have the world at your fingertips, love, a career, friendships – and instead you’re feeling almost as lonely as ever, finding yourself starting over countless times whether it be in relationships or living situations.
I know it’s hard, I know you think about things that you don’t say out loud because they might scare people off, or they’re outlandish because you think nobody else feels what you do. I know you get upset when people say they’re taking a mental health day because you’re sick of being strong and not just giving in to do the same. You don’t want to be looked at any certain way, so you push yourself to be okay.
You cycle through smiles for people, highlight your best features, curl your hair just so, swallow pills in the morning to feel stable; one for vitamins and one for sanity. You pull your hair up into a bun and sweat at the gym and poke at your newly-sculpted body not recognizing yourself and partially still hating what you see.
Routine routine routine.
I understand better than anyone what it’s like to not want that facadè to fall away because what you’re left with may feel like nothing. So it’s easier to pretend to have it all together, to never admit defeat no matter how many times life keeps testing you.
You are so strong, and the fight you bring doesn’t go unnoticed.