I’ve lived my life through motions, routines, and monotony. I’ve happily accepted and opened up to the idea of doing the same thing day in and day out and only being there physically in life. I guess you could say I assumed this is how life is supposed to be and so I ran with it.
But if you’re anything like me, you’ll soon become bored and want to forget it all. I have to apologize in advance to all of the people who don’t deserve to be in my life anymore because I’m done.
The shallow connections, the hollow conversation, I’ve let all of that go. And I’m only settling for soul-deep relationships because I’ve spent too long pretending.
I want you to know that I’m trying to be better, and by being better I mean ridding myself of all the toxic beings in my life.
I’ve told myself I’m sentimental, soft, and only love wholeheartedly. This all may be true, but I can only do so if I can love myself simultaneously. And in the past, I have proven to be fighting something on the inside while holding onto fake people and a fake life. And that is not loving yourself. Healing this year has been a journey. I started out not knowing what I’d do after tearing down the largest monstrosity of a “relationship” in my life. I’d had no direction after this and was left with my thoughts. And I realized “why only stop with one?”
I broke away from a friend, or someone I called a friend because my new self had finally seen that it was a one-sided friendship. And maybe it was okay for the old me, but the new me deserved to find better.
I made friends with myself by accepting what was in front of me and treating the reflection I’ve fought for so long with dignity.
I found a friend-no, best friend, in a new relationship and let my guards down by accepting the love I deserve and trying to give the same back. (I’m still learning, please be gentle with me-I’m so sorry if I ever hurt you in the process).
I’m growing, I’m learning, I’m healing, I’m finally becoming the woman I thought I was.
I was lying to myself. But now is the time I follow through, I get to be a new person. Someone I can be proud of, and find people who will accept nothing less of this new girl that I am. And so if you’re here if you’re reading this…please know you mean the world to me and I’m so glad you’re in my new life. I’ve spent so long looking for people like you. So, thank you.