This Year I’m Loving Myself And I’m No Longer Making Excuses For You

Trigger warning: this article contains sensitive content involving physical and emotional abuse.
woman facing away from camera
Štefan Štefančík

You were my everything. My best friend, my partner in crime, the one I thought I’d love forever. But somewhere along the way, things became toxic, and so here I am writing a text to you because I’m too afraid to break things off in person.

I never wanted to end things like this, or at all. But at some point I feel like I didn’t have a choice. You started putting me second, or I just started seeing it finally. Everything we’ve been through has not made us stronger, I’ve managed to turn my head every time and listen to the teary-eyed “I’m sorry.”

I refuse to be that girl anymore though. I’m sick of the fights, the emotional and mental abuse, the way you twist my words and make me feel like I’m crazy. I should’ve stayed away the night you threw a bookshelf at me and got in my face, but I was so blind I told myself it was okay and that we’d be okay. 

Recently though, I’ve woken up. I can’t pretend to be okay with you anymore because quite frankly, feeling alone and actually being alone is a lot better than feeling alone next to you. You’re probably calling me a heartless bitch right now, or wondering what you did wrong.

As usual, I’ll tell you that you didn’t do anything. Because those are the words that have come from my mouth for the past two years. The “Sorry I’m being crazy, you’re right. I should be okay with you blowing me off for your friends,” or “Sorry I got mad because your friends brought drugs into your house while I was there and it made me uncomfortable.” “Sorry I’m crying…”

This time, I’m not saying sorry. I am not sorry I texted you a break up. And I am not sorry I’m moving on with my life, and I hope you find someone who wants to be sorry for a little longer than I have. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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