1. He works for a non-profit.
I’m sorry, I don’t believe in the majority of them. They are based on narcissism — the idea that you can best help people by starting your own foundation in your own name instead of identifying existing (and infinitely more productive) organizations. They are also shit to work for in terms of what you are paid for the amount of stress and work you have to deal with. If you really care about change become a lobbyist, or make a lot of money and fund big changes and initiatives instead of selling your quality of life for microchanges. It’s a weird thing to be a dealbreaker, but I’ve known more than my fair share of burned-out-by-30 non-profit workers and I’m not interested in dealing with any more.
2. He’s a Gemini.
I know it’s insane to base a real life decision based on superstition. But Geminis are crazy! Allow me this one irrational decision.
3. He’s very skinny.
I don’t care about height like a lot of women do. He can be my same height or he can be an inch or two shorter than me, it doesn’t affect my attraction. I actually think it’s cartoonish and weird when there’s a large height differential in couples anyway. But I don’t like skinny dudes. It’s just weird. Give me old, husky Chris Pratt over Adrian Brody any day.
4. He’s in endless grad school.
Grad school is basically a scam at this point, unless you’re going into a STEM field or something like law school if you have family connections and are sure you’ll be employed afterwards. I don’t understand why people keep getting degrees when studies show that the value of them has depreciated to an extreme level. Here’s an article about why you shouldn’t even hire someone who went to grad school.
5. He’s a teacher.
Sorry, I know teachers are everyone’s heroes, but I can’t date one. I need to have a guy who is an intellectual, and choosing to teach kids is admirable, but it isn’t going to add anything meaty to the dinner conversation.
6. He loves to travel.
Like not caring about height, I hope I’m getting some karma for not caring about a guy who travels — you other girls can have them! I’ll trade you for someone who’s super smart. It’s fun, for sure, but I’d rather a guy spend time exploring books and ideas than random cultures and pretty scenery. I want a guy who travels as a result of his interests and work than one who travels by himself, for the sole sake of “traveling.”
7. He has a goatee or some other weird facial hair.
I don’t care if a guy is fashionable, but there’s a line between not caring about fashion and rocking something that is dad-level dorky while you’re still in your 20s. A goatee crosses this line. There are only two acceptable forms of facial hair: all or none.
8. He’s married.
This only thing controversial about this is my reasoning. I don’t actually care about him cheating — I wouldn’t do it, but it’s not my life/karma that he’s messing up. Chances are his cheating has nothing to do with me in particular, if he’ll cheat with me he’ll cheat with any other similar girl that comes along. The reason I won’t do it is that guys who want to cheat are so unsexy. It’s like seeing a guy wear a diaper. He’s clearly the kind of guy who is a baby and complains about his life, but won’t do anything to change it for the better.
9. He thinks people sound stupid when they use slang and abbreviations.
This happens a lot with older guys, they think the internet is dumb, they think texting is dumb, they think the world is ending because people prefer not to pick up a phone. It also really ages a guy. I’ve been willing to give guys 10+ years my senior a shot (I’ve dated as old as 37) because I thought they’d be more mature, but then they get all HEY KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN-y and I can’t with them. And as much as I love hot dads, this negativity and moral panic is too gross for me to deal with.