I asked a question to a group of ladies recently who are also going through this process…
‘What are the comments people have said, that affect you the most?”
The answers came fast; I could barely keep up with them. Some were hilarious and some not so funny. The one thing everyone agreed on – was that they all came from a good place. But from a place of also not really knowing what off the cuff comments can do.
Below are the Top 10 what NOT to say to anyone going through Fertility Treatment.
Disclaimer: Not all I agree with, or would necessarily be upset by. Take my comments with a grain of salt. What I mean is, don’t shoot the messenger!
“HAVE YOU TRIED….insert your amazing idea here”
Yep, indeed I have tried that fertility tea, it tasted like dirty socks and soap, and it clearly didn’t work. Yep, I have tried standing on my head after sex, gravity right? Ohhh the ‘Chinese medicine man who massages you and then…bam! Pregnant! ….actually do you have his number?
Will it? When? If you know it will definitely happen, then you must know when? This isn’t helpful and from the experience of many people I have spoken to going through this, it is the most disliked comment. It’s coming from a beautiful place; we know that, all these comments are. But they don’t help. Try, ‘I can’t wait for when you tell me your big news’, ‘you are being so strong, and you will make a wonderful Mum’. Or even better ‘this is really shit for you, it bloody sucks’
“JUST RELAX, THAT’S WHEN IT WILL HAPPEN’
Ohh perfect, that’s where I have been going wrong! Gotcha! I’ll try that in between my full time job, three times a week appointments, daily injections and the constant worry that this won’t work…again. I’ll meditate whilst singing Kumbaya.
“HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ADOPTING/SURROGACY”
Yep. I have. And I am unopposed to it. But give me a minute here wouldya?! Plus Angelina took all the good ones already**
“MAYBE YOU NEED TO COME TO TERMS WITH NOT HAVING CHILDREN“
No. Don’t ever say that. And if you do, hold still while she slaps you.
“MY FRIEND’S FRIEND WAS TRYING IVF THEN BAM! FELL PREGNANT NATURALLY’
That’s AMAZING! I am super happy for your friend’s friend. And I have every part of my body (not the baby making parts) crossed that this will happen. But for some people (not me) they physically do not have the anatomy or ‘working parts’ for this to happen for them, unless you know someone’s history, Shhhhhh
“YOUR’E YOUNG YOU’VE GOT TIME“
Infertility is infertility. My ovaries are going to be even lazier this time next year.
“YOU CAN HAVE ONE OF MY KIDS’
I don’t want your kids. They are dirty and dressed poorly. I want my own perfect one who will sleep all night, never cry, always happy…i’m joking! But I don’t want YOUR child. I want MY child. Thanks for the offer though, come back to me if this is still going on in 2 years.
“SOOO…WHICH ONE OF YOU HAS THE FAULTY PLUMBING?”
This actually happened to a friend of mine. Now, when she told me she was laughing, but for someone who doesn’t have a sense of humour I would steer clear of anything with ‘faulty’ in it.
“MY PARTNER JUST LOOKED AT ME AND I WAS KNOCKED UP”
No. And while we are at it, tell your husband to put a blindfold on.