This Is What She Finally Wants You To Know Since You’ve Left

wondering what to say since you're gone
Roberto Nickson

Even though this is only her second time writing you, the number of times her pen has retraced her memories of you will remain infinite. Something about you will always inspire her to fill pages upon pages with words, attempting to unravel the beautiful complexity of your soul. A lot has changed since the first time she wrote you, hasn’t it? Before, she was giving you her reasons why she stayed. Before, you were given the opportunity to read words like these, directly from her heart. Before, she was in love with you. Now? Now she’s explaining why she has to leave. Now, you’ll never read this because she knows you no longer care. Now, she’s no longer in love with you. You came into her life at a crucial stage, you were an essential piece for her to not only learn about love, but even more so about herself. When you left she thought that the person that she had morphed into as a result of you walked away too. She didn’t. She’s writing this to you, for you, about you. She thanks you, from the bottom of her heart. You see, you gave her a glimmer of hope. You were a breath of fresh air in a life that had grown increasingly stagnant. In you, she found a partner to begin the journey of finding what she’s looking for in this life. You stood for everything she’d ever loved, and everything she’d ever learn to love. In you she finally understood what having something worth losing fully consisted of. But then again, you already knew that didn’t you. You know what her heart beats for, what her mind sees things as. You knew that leaving with no explanation would force her to turn inward. Plunge her straight to the depths of hell where she begged of forgiveness for both the parts of her that weren’t enough, and the ones that proved too much. Despite all this she waited. Finding life again only in the sparse moments when you would acknowledge her presence. Giving her just enough to satisfy momentarily the hunger for you that has gnawed away at her since the moment she met you. She can’t take it anymore. She knew what it was like to be able to have you give her your whole being, having anything less is more than her heart can bear. She’s forced to swallow all the words unsaid that were left on the tip of her tongue. Please don’t take this as her denouncing her love for you. It’s been said once you love someone you will never stop caring for them, either through a form of hate, or of pure and utter love. Her heart will never be full of anything but love for you. She hopes you continue on the journey the two of you started together, and that you find someone that can fill the void she left empty. But maybe instead, the hope that someday you’ll realize all that you lost is a fire that refuses to quit burning inside of her. With that in mind, you’ll find her burying all her hopes and dreams that were contained in you. Hoping without end that one day you’ll return to reclaim what will always be partially yours. The lock remains the same and she leaves the key in the same place you left it. “Maybe one day we’ll get it right.” TC mark

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